one shots - thai BL/GL

39 ; patpran (badbuddy)

angst.
based on "things i wish you said" by sabrina carpenter
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pats pov

dear pran,

i left you in the dark, pran. i'm sorry. i am alone in my room and everything reminds me of you.

i joked and joked and thought you would get them. i didn't think it'll hurt you this much. i never meant for you to be hurt. nobody gets my jokes, everyone here thinks i'm fucking rude.

we fought and you started to cry. when i saw you cry, i didn't handle it well. you told me, you don't need me anymore but without you here i don't know what to do with myself.

it's getting cold in my bed, alone without you. i think about these things at night before i fall asleep, things i wish you said to me.

things like, "darling, i hope you know it scared me to death, the night that your sister said that you got in an accident" acting like you didn't care when you found out i was shot. yes, it wasn't a big deal and i got better but couldn't you show me how much you cared about me?

or why couldn't you say things like "god, i'm watching everything that you do. i can't get your songs out of my head or your hair out of my room" why couldn't you say that? why couldn't you tell me how much i mean to you?

i saw you met somebody and i'm jealous as hell that i can't even stomach loving somebody else.

i think about these things at night before i fall asleep, things i wish you said to me. maybe then, i wouldn't have to fight for our love. maybe we wouldn't have broken up if you loved me enough.

sorry that i pulled the "it's not you, it's me." bullshit. it's so cliché and not true at all. it was your fault. it was only your fault that we fell apart. because you didn't care enough, you didn't love enough.

one day, i'll make sure you get a real apology. i'll waste my time and i waste my life on idiotic things like things you never said,
things you'll never say to me.

i wish you well, pran.
goodbye.

yours sincerely,
pat.