Not who you think

4

Her vision goes blurry, as tears start streaming down her cheeks. Landing on her Hoodie, they create wet spots here and there.

You could hear her sobbing quietly into her sleeves in an effort to mute her cries.

You may think she is weak, but the opposite is true. She is STRONG.

But as it's said, even the strongest ones have their weaknesses. Even the heroes die.

,, Just why?! Why am I such a piece of crap?! WHY?! "she yells, squeezing her head in between her hands, smacking it repeatedly. Breaking down completely.

Curling up into a ball, Burying her face into sleeves, she continues sobbing loudly, not caring anymore about potential passerbyes.

,, Why does no one love me?"

...

Some time passes and she is done crying. De facto, she is numb. Disconnected.

This is her defense mechanism that protects her from even Stronger emotional pain. It protects her from killing herself.

Standing up, she slowly walks close to the edge. Time as if froze, leaving her the only one "alive".

She looks down, believing that she is finally able to do it after those months of suffering and failed attempts.

She isn't afraid, no. She doesn't feel anything other than never ending void inside, despite desperately trying to feel something. Anything.

In her head, she is battling her suicidal urges, trying to hold onto now almost non Existent hope that maybe someday, she will be able to be truly happy again.

Her head starts spinning, causing her to feel dizzy. The Wind is pushing her even closer to the border between life and death, making her even more unsteady.

As she is deciding whether to do it or not, her self-preservation takes the best of her, forcing her to back away right before she loses balance and collapses to the ground.

Not having enough energy, or even motivation, she doesn't even budge.

With her music still playing loudly, she watches the now cloudy sky.

Her mind's blank and her body's numb, paralysed. She is living in the present moment, forgetting about everything else.

...

When she regains enough energy, she slowly lumbers to her Feet and shakes off all the leaves and dirt.

Reluctantly, she takes her backpack, puts her Hood on and plugs in her earphones.

Now ready, she heads home.

...

Bellz's POV:
I quietly open the Front door and walk inside, still pretty much disconnected from the outside world, which can be seen in my robotic behaviour. Because of it, I didn't even notice a leaf dropping off of my hoodie in the Hall, thus, I left it on the ground. The WORST mistake.

Once in my room, I throw my backpack to God knows where and I sit down to my chair.

As I'm sitting there, blankly staring at my switched off monitor for a few minutes, my phone buzzes in my pocket, meaning I've just gotten a message.

,, Heya, wanna play? " SneaX texts me. She is one of my online friends I frequently stream with.

We are a group of 6 people, mostly of the same age and sex, except for Mystic and Ace, the only males. Mystic is 2 years younger and Ace 1 year older than me. We, the girls, are approximately the same age, more or less.

,, W8 a sec." I type, turning on my PC. Even though I'm feeling so woozy, I'm pretty sure I will feel better when I distract myself. And playing MC is the best opportunity.

After like 3 minutes, I have everything set up. Minecraft is running in the Background, the stream's on my phone and Discord is ready as well. Clicking on the "Join" button, I connect to the call, regretting it instantly as a familiar, very loud squeaky voice greets me. MYSTIC.

,, Hey Bellzzzz! "

I hiss, taking off my headphones and covering my ears.

,, What the hell was THAT for??" I sigh, putting that loud thing back on right after I turn the volume down a bit.

,, I dunno. Did you like it? "he asks me provocatively.

Lucky him I'm out of my mind right now, because otherwise I would have gotten my revenge.

,, Oh yeah, thanks," I say ironically,,, By the way hey stream! "

The chat fills with greeting messages and I subconsciously smile. Not that I'm actually happy, it's only that it feels nice to be welcomed somewhere, even if it's only on the internet.

,, In passing, what are we doing today?" I ask curiously, already bored a bit.

At least I'm not feeling NUMB anymore.

,, Bedwars?" SneaX suggests chuckling, hinting on our last game when she completely destroyed me and then bullied me for not protecting my bed.

,, No. Big. Fat. NO. "I say, audibly faking my anger, making them uncapable of holding their laughter in.

,, Pleaseee Bellzzz."

I just roll my eyes.,, Kay. "

,, Yaaay!"

We have been playing bedwars for a while, 2 hours to be exact. I'm having genuine fun for once, when I suddenly get this weird feeling.

Something BAD is about to happen...

I brush it off, not wanting to ruin my mood again. I've learned to enjoy every moment of happiness, because they do not last long. And after them, there is this large, deep abyss of depression and sorrow.

...

,, Hey can you throw me some blocks? I'm almost there! "SneaX says in her concentrated voice, a bit of malice can be heard in her tone as she is about to break our last enemy's bed.

Too focused on the noise coming from downstairs, I don't answer.

They are arguing AGAIN. I can hear them yelling and cursing even with my headphones on.

,, You there Bellz? "

I sigh, mentally getting back to my friends, when I freeze again.

I hear steps. LOUD steps coming up the stairs.

My heart starts pounding rapidly.

Not NOW.

I panic as I know what's coming next.

I frantically search for my "mute" keybind, but to no avail.

I'M TOO LATE.