For so long I was scared to tell anyone, to go against my abuser and speak up. In this poetry book Sarah is done living silent and is documenting their healing process: the ugly, the angry, the messy, the joy, love after trauma and everything in-bet...
My family makes me feel like a ocean Only beautiful only enjoyable When I'm watered down -growing up with ADHD
—————————————————————- Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning
It's sudden it hits me like a wave shoving me underwater
I'm trying to breath Trying to swim
But I'm stuck
Sometimes my body feels heavy But empty at the same time Like I'm carrying the weight Of everything I lost
Sometimes all I can bring myself to do is sit under my desk and stare into nothing I don't want to write I don't want to talk I don't want a hug I want to not exist for even just a moment
I want to scream, scream as loud as I can punch the wall smash some glass So you can see How much damage you have caused ———————————————————-
I don't feel like me anymore I feel like the kid you assaulted And nothing more
Sometimes breathing reminds me of you Cause we both breathe
I can't escape it I never can
I've tried I've sprinted
But I can't get away from it Because u won't fucking admit it
—————————————————————-
Merry Christmas I hope you have an excellent time at my grandparents house
20 minutes away from me 23 kilometres distance Between me and the hands that wrongfully stole my innocents
I know you have to be thinking of me My pictures are up at your parents house I'm unavoidable I hope all you get for Christmas is overwhelming Inescapable Guilt
For turning a sweet kid into a problem An annoying A depressed A mentally I'll A unfocused Problematic Lazy Lifeless Corpse that's somehow walking
I hate who I am I love who I could have been
If you didn't mold my mind with knives Instead of gentle hands
—————————————————————-
I wonder who I would have been
If you didn't push me on a diffrent track
I was athletic I was in dance and sports I was smart I had wonderful grades I was mostly well liked
Yes I'm comparing myself to someone not even in second grade
Cause I was on the right track Although I endured trauma I forgot what it was
I wonder who I would have been if you didn't mold me into a different person every holiday when your hands touched me instead of Christmas presents
I wonder who I would have been if you didn't fuck up my development
If I hadent spent middle years in hospital If I didn't have to fight to simply live If I didn't have to ghost my family
If I wasn't mentally I'll If I didn't have adhd If I was everything I could have been Before I was molested as a kid —————————————————————-
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