For so long I was scared to tell anyone, to go against my abuser and speak up. In this poetry book Sarah is done living silent and is documenting their healing process: the ugly, the angry, the messy, the joy, love after trauma and everything in-bet...
That feeling When you pushed me underwater To drown out me and my cry's for help To quiet the sounds of a little girls plea How heavy I felt How blurry everything seemed In slow motion Like watching my own death scene Except only my innocents actually died
The lifeless feeling The tired The sad the suicidal feeling That tears my gut into pieces How it feels to be molested At the hands of someone who attended my birthday parts
I feel it all All the time But 10x stronger 10x harder Harder to breathe to live Knowing because of the holidays You go from 9hrs away to 20 minutes I go from 15 to 5 15-2 15-7 15-6 Suddenly I'm there again watching myself die Over And over A little girl drowns Strangled by her life guard ————————————————————
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Rotten roots As a kid I was confused by alot of things I got alot of things mixed up I could never tell the difference between the sun and lightbulb Multiplication and subtraction Birds and airplanes Assault for love That probably sounds strange subtraction on the same list as assault but when you grew in rotten soil, had pedophiles attend your birthday party they belong on the same list You were visiting your cousins And I was being hurt in the next room
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I know it isn't easy to hear It might even feel a little uncomfortable
And you might judge me for speaking about sexual assault so openly So consistently
I don't do this for you I do this for the many people who have opened up to me People you'd never expect who went through the same as me
I'm self aware I understand I may speak about it excessively
I might say too much or not enough I'm sorry I'm not the perfect survivor Who only opens up about it when they need to
Your opinions are the reasons your friends wouldn't tell you
The reasons I didn't tell you I speak now but for years I was silent Because of hands like yours that kept me quite
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To the silent child
I know you hear your a problem a lot You hear it at school and st home cause you don't act like a normal kid
And everyone thinks your some asshole Instead of a little kid angry at the world They don't question The signs you were assaulted But their angry at them They think your annoying Aggressive They see it as a inconvenience instead of a symptom
Silent child I believe you I know your hurting And your scared Confused And you have constant weight from the secrets your forced to keep Like constant backpack full of rocks
