Triton's Destiny

Part Thirty-Two

He'd spent four days hiding in his cavern. Four days pretending to be sick so Anaru would come tend to the fish. Four days avoiding Hana so he didn't have to listen to her tell him what an idiot he was. Four days wallowing in self-pity. Four days without Tristan. He knew he was the one who'd asked for some time to figure things out, but he was still in the same place he was four days ago–literally and mentally. He just couldn't seem to be able to make any progress.

That last night with Tristan was wonderful. They'd eaten delicious cake, made love for hours, and indulged each other like it was the last time they'd have the chance. And that was the part that had Maki so utterly depressed. It might have been their last chance together. Because Maki was at a loss as to what he should do now.

He couldn't keep spending all his time out of the water or he'd lose his triton side entirely. But if he stayed in the water, he'd lose Tristan. He didn't doubt at all that his mate would find a way to cope with the needs of his triton form, but it wouldn't be the shared life that they both wanted. It would be separate lives spent in a shared space. That wasn't what Maki wanted at all. He wanted to eat more meals with Tristan, help him with chores, share a bed with him. He wanted to try everything Emilie made at the bakery and listen to more of Owain's stories from when he was a sailor.

When Maki realized that all the things he wanted had nothing to do with being a triton, he sank even farther into guilty regret. What he wanted was a human life and he had no right to want that at all. He was a triton, with responsibilities and obligations that required he stay in his aquatic habitat. There were people in Njora who relied upon him, who cared for him. If he rejected everything he was to chase after something he wasn't, then he'd be betraying everyone who nurtured him and gave him the opportunities to thrive and live a fulfilling life. How could he throw away that generosity?

But committing himself to life as a triton meant throwing away the best thing he'd ever known. It meant exiling himself from his soulmate. And that was a betrayal not only to Tristan but also to his own heart. Just the thought of never seeing Tristan again made Maki sick to his stomach. He'd even considered asking Anaru if there was something in their triton powers which would allow Tristan to join them, but he dismissed the thought as quickly as it occurred to him. Tristan had his own responsibilities to tend to. He couldn't vacate his life any easier than Maki could his.

So Maki was left floundering in his purgatory of indecision. The only thing he knew for certain was that he couldn't live without Tristan. What they had at the moment was far from ideal, but it allowed them to be together and fulfill their duties. Sure, they had to spend every night apart. And Maki could never get wet on land unless he was prepared to shift. And Tristan could never spend time in the water with him because he couldn't swim. Those things weren't that important. Maki buried his face in his pillow and pounded it with his fists, startling Ika where she was curled up at the end of the bed. Gods, this was impossible. He had no idea what to do.

Maki!

He groaned as Hana's voice rang through his aching head. Burrowing deeper beneath his blankets, he hid from his best friend, hoping against hope that she'd just go away.

Makaio Kirseren, I know you're home. I know you're hiding like a coward in your bed. I don't care if you don't want to see me. I'm coming in.

Hana, please. I don't want to fight with you right now. Please just go.

Nope. A ripple through the water preceded Hana's arrival at his bedside and he felt Ika dart out of the way before Hana yanked his blankets off, glaring down at him as he scowled up at her. We need to talk about why you're hiding from everyone, including your mate. What happened, Maki?