Tharntype fic- Compounding factors

Chapter 34: The Deal (Tharn's PoV)

April 7th

Thorn drops me at my apartment around midnight. We didn't chat much on the ride home, but I don't regret accepting his invitation to come out tonight. The race was equal parts terrifying and exhilarating, and seeing my brother flirting was... eye opening.

Before Thorn left, he promised to call tomorrow. I shook my head and smiled to myself. No matter what, Thorn will always be too Thorn.

I let myself into my apartment and I take a second to relive everything that happened at the race. I've never seen my brother happier than he was tonight. I think of him smiling, making jokes and acting silly, and I suddenly feel so happy and proud of him. I smirk when I think of my brother's face when I invited Aer to his birthday party. I'm glad I did though, because I don't think Thorn would have taken that step himself, he's too shy to ask a girl he likes on a date. Not that a birthday party with my parents constitutes a good date, but it's a start.

I have only known Aer for a few hours, but I think it's enough time to give my official 'younger brother stamp of approval'. And that if I had ever felt the need to sit by the door polishing my shotgun to ensure that Aer brought my brother home before curfew, that instinct is now suppressed. I like her. She is not what I would have expected from a "friend" of my brothers, but I like her. I like that she makes Thorn happy. And honestly, I would probably warm to anyone who loves music as Aer seems to.

After my attempt to play Perfect this morning, I wasn't in the best mood to go out.. It's just that the song sounded so weak and so weird, and everytime I failed with a chord, something inside of me hurt, and not just my arm. And then Type tried to talk to me and...

Anyway, I wasn't in the mood.

So after the race, when we were waiting for our dinner to come, I stretched the truth a bit. I told Aer and my brother that I would get my playing to sound "perfect again" someday. Because that's what you tell people. So that you don't bring down the mood of the entire party, and so that they can get on with their nasty steak race in peace, without feeling guilty for the smashed up musician at the table. But then Aer asked me to teach her some music.

I tried to figure out If she was doing this out of pity, but her expression was all bright and happy, and somehow her enthusiasm infected me too.

I have never even thought about being a teacher before. It has always been my plan to be a musician. Hell, I've dreamt about being a drummer since kindergarten. But somehow, in that obsession with being a drummer I forgot that there were other options.

Sometimes I can get a bit of tunnel vision when I want something. Especially when it comes to music.

But being a teacher doesn't sound bad, it doesn't sound bad at all. It sounds more like I'm not done creating music, even if I'm not the one holding the drumsticks. Or the guitar. And maybe I'm not going to be as cut off from music as I had thought.

Plus, Aer was sitting across from me, brimming with all of the innocence you have when you start playing music. She reminded me of the delight that one can find in a single resonant chord, or the triumph of managing to pick out Twinkle twinkle little star for the first time, before becoming really self critical and over obsessed with technique. Aer reminded me of the feeling that I had when I first picked up an instrument.

It has been years since I last had that feeling. Now I have to step into that headspace all over again. The idea of making something for the sake of making it, and not for the sake of being perfect, scares me. And I'm going to need to let go of many years of music snobbery, but I think I'm okay with that, or that I will be, eventually. And in a way, it's a bit of a relief, after months of being paused, to start working towards something.