Tharntype fic- Compounding factors

Chapter 23: The band (Tharn's pov)

March 13th

Type opens the door to the rehearsal room and Techno follows him, excited. My boyfriend holds the door for me and then, seeing that I'm hesitating, sends me inside with a sharp jerk of his head. My heart is beating weirdly fast. It's just your friends, I tell myself, but I don't know if I want to do this after all. I don't think I'm ready to see my band playing without me again. And I don't really want them to see me after what happened at P'Jeed's. And after avoiding them for so long. It's too embarrassing.

My face is suddenly very hot, and my hands feel twitchy and sweaty. I wipe my left hand on my pants and hope that my bandmates can't see the damp streak that it leaves behind.

Tae, Tum and Song are clustered around a music stand. Tum has a pencil in his hand and he's scribbling something on a page in front of them. Then he crosses out whatever had originally been on the page.

"Hey guys." I say without any real enthusiasm.

Tum looks up. His face is surprised and he smiles shyly when he sees us.

"Tharn!" The band members say in unison. I hear emotion in their voices but I can't quite interpret it.

"And Type and Techno!" Techno says.

My bandmates laugh and greet him and Type, and I let out the tense breath that I had been holding.

"What are you all doing here?" Tum says. And even if he is not referring to anyone in particular, his eyes are fixed on me. And I don't know whether he's glad we're here, or if he wants to hit us over the head with Song's Candy Apple Red Fender guitar. I know that he saw me walking out in the middle of the band's performance. And that I have been ignoring his thousands of calls since then. Two months ago.

I approach my best friend cautiously (at least I hope he's still my best friend) and I hand him a stack of papers. If he wants to smash my head with something, I guess these would be a better option than an expensive guitar. Tum takes the papers and studies them.

The silence is almost absolute, the only exception is Techno's non-stop monologue about how cool it would be being part of a band. Tum lifts his head to look at me once again.

"Did you write this?" He says.

I nod. I can't really get a read on his feelings or mine. I have an inkling that these past few months I've been messing up with my emotions. I have been crying, getting mad and apologizing over and over again. It's all been exhausting. And after all of that, I still don't know how to do this properly.

"I promised you a song" I mumble.

He nods and then glances between the band and me.

"Can you sing it?"

I hold his gaze trying to figure out if my best friend is mad with me or not, but I can't see anything other than expectation.

Finally, I can't take the uncertainty any longer and I just have to ask him, "Aren't you mad at me?"

Tum shakes his head and slaps my shoulder.

"Nope. Are you?"

"Not really," I say, and I smile at him. It's good when he smiles back at me "I'm sorry for running away that night at P'Jeeds. And for avoiding you all these months. And basically for everything!"

"It's okay, we get it!" Tae says, jumping into the conversation.

"You weren't ready to come back here yet. That's fine" Song adds.