Lies We Tell

Chapter 8

Aurora

In silence, he drove me to a place where our new home was. I didn't know where it was or what it looked like but that his mother had taken great care and joy in decorating it. She hadn't spared an expense for today's party just because she wanted to see her son happy.

"How many guests are expected to be there?" I asked from beside him as he looked towards the road. 

"Many, but Mom told me that everyone will leave including them when the party ends," he replied looking towards the road. 

"Then it's a fair guess that it's going to be crowded," I didn't like it one bit but what could I say to him? Sometimes our hands were tied and that was the case right now. Nervousness was crawling over my skin and I hadn't seen the crowd yet.

"Are you nervous?" I moved forward in my seat to look into his eyes and I saw it right there. 

"I'm," I could see he wanted to say more but went against it. I heard him sigh and I could tell from his face that he was tired. 

"It's ok, I'm nervous too. We both can be nervous together," I gave him a small smile as he looked at me for just a second before concentrating on the road again. Settling back in my seat my eyes looked at my rings. 

These rings once felt too heavy to drown me but now they were like feathers. Sometimes I had no idea whether I was wearing them or not. Maybe it was because I had accepted that there was no getting out of this marriage. 

In the beginning, everything seemed horrendous. There were days when I wanted to kill myself because I had traded myself for the sake of the debt my father had created. I wanted to hurt someone and I had hurt Ignazio enough for that. 

My eyes averted to him thinking about how much pain I had given him and all he had been was human towards me. He was handsome in his own way. On the exterior, there were mear marks that differentiate him from others but on the inside, he was truly beautiful. We started on the wrong foot but he pulled me to stand on the right ones. 

He taught me to understand him being gentle and calm. He had his flaws and there were days when he would regret having those but yet he never complained. He made me accept those and made me see how we can live together under one roof. There was nothing I could do to hate him because all he had done was nothing truly. He had agreed to marry me for my sake and pursued his father to let him marry me rather than my sister. He hadn't let her be captured in the clutches of marriage at the bare age of eighteen. I had surrendered myself to the marriage, hating him and his family for it. 

There was no more hatred inside of me for him but yet the yearning that I once had for a strong love wasn't there. On some dark days, the past me would surface hating him because of it. On those days I fought him in the name of love. 

Looking away from him out the windows I thought about what I wanted the most. 

The answer was just the same. Deep inside the deep yearning was always there. 

Love.

It was only because I had felt it once. 

I had loved someone truly with my everything only to leave it behind. I hated Ignazio for it in the beginning but it was time that taught me about letting it go. His memories had started to fade away as I had tried to settle into my new world fighting and crying. The guilt I had carried around me for years for leaving Dave stranded had only made me hurt Ignazio and me. It had caused pain for him more than it did for me. 

The remainder of our love was now just memories I had and when I could make new ones they too would fade away leaving behind a void in my heart where he was. Deep down he was still there in my heart and I think he will always be. Sometimes I remembered him as I looked up at the sky or the beach. It felt like I would turn and I would be back in time with him.