Joker (18+)

Joker: met June

June 1, 2010 that was the day I first saw him, after June 2006. Jung Hoseok . He was the most threatening thing I could ever witness.

Threatening in a way that shakes me to the pit of the abyss he created in my heart. It wasn't that I was scared by his presence. I was simply intrigued by an urge to fix him. Fix his psychotic little treasure box of filthy ideas as to how punish someone, why and when.

Again, he was threatening in a way that it was needed to back off because his reality scared me. It was because I was scared that I could fall for him and ironically not even after knowing who he was because I knew why he was so.

You almost give that apologetic look of pity to someone when they say life has been harsh on them but what my hobi went through was sick to its rotten ends.

The urge to throw up would twist and turn your stomach in every angle to somehow just vomit out the past of his that you just heard.

I met him that day. On the road beside our university. The one through the forest area almost deserted with literally not even a cat around. It was the second day of our university. I had missed it the day before. Yet, again, because of him.

I sighed as I looked at the sky . It's dull and dry like my soul. The sun up shining like it rules the sky which it practically does but didn't did justice enough as it is partly covered by clouds. Summer is on its peak, soon it will be humid and summer isn't my thing.

I am a rain person.

It just excites me as hell. I can never defy the raindrops pouring on my skin as I watch it slide down to the ground due to gravity. The way they would never stay in my palm when I lay it flat to feel it. Their impatient need to leave makes me chuckle. Rain too knows that they can't stay forever.

Nobody stays forever especially humans just like that cooling sensation of rain. Rain drops tend to leave to fall down and humans leave to push you down and make you fall.

Nothing stays forever except one thing, memories. People leave but memories don't. I vote memories to be the most loyal of all. I smile remembering my mom. She would treasure me everywhere. In parks, roads, markets and sometimes sneaked into my kindergarten to check up on me. That women seriously.

She cared for me too much that she couldn't have the time to think about herself too.

But I refuse, refuse to beleive it's her mistake. It wasn't. It was me again. The pot of bad luck that I serve everyone as a welcome drink to people who pity my loneliness and tries to fix me.

The man walking to the opposite side of the road was one of the victims. He had dealt with the same bad luck that follows after engulfing me into your arms.

He doesn't turns around to look at me neither do I raise my eyes to look at him. I know he knows and feels me around him. I know he feels the tension, yet, again.

The tension that has been there since we turned 10. There would be something dark lingering in the air when we are somewhere around each other. There is this weird yet silent yet scary aura wrapping around us, which feels so comfortable and safe that we never want to leave each other's side, yet again, which is really sick and scary.

I can feel him, I know he does too. I know he doesn't have the guts to confront me after what happened, can't blame him, I do not too. We walk not looking anywhere else but the road. My eyes are teary but I don't know about him. Is he crying too?? Does he miss me too?
I know if I get a glimpse of his face I would run into his arms sobbing like a child. Sadly, I can't. I shan't. We shan't and he knows.

I realise this very moment that I cannot stand the same roof with Hoseok. I almost wince as his name crosses my mind. Oh how forbidden it feels to call him Hobi again . I think I need to cry my eyeballs out on the dean's feet washing his shoes with my tears fucking pleading to him to bless me with a trasfer.