Dark Lord's Pet

No.

Harry

"What did you. . . do?" Harry asked, surveying the boy he controlled but didn't recognize.

"I used some potions to make you look as you should."

"As I should? What the fuck did you do to me?"

A sting hit his bottom, "Shit! That stung! Why-" another sting.

"Really Pet, how often must I tell you to fix your language?"

"Hypocrite," Harry muttered darkly, "And what did you do!"

"I used potions to make your body look as if should've had you not been malnourished."

"How? The doctor's at Saint Mungo's couldn't even do that. It's not like you can just fix that with the snap of your fingers."

"You're right, it took about seven hours, and the reason Saint Mungo's couldn't do it is because it's illegal."

Harry glared, "And you didn't even think to ask me before doing this?!"

"No."

"That's it, that's all you have to say about it, NO?!"

"Would it make you feel better if I told you you're much sexier?" Voldemort said smoothly, unrepentant.

"No it bloody well wouldn't," sting, "Would you stop that?!"

"No."

"Anyways, how am I supposed to explain this to the hospital staff?" Harry moaned, running a hand through his hair, "and why is my hair so. . . poofy. And soft, and thick?"

"Your body has received all the nutrients you missed. And we'll explain it by getting you out of the hospital before your new glamour is seen through."

"This is a glamour?"

"No, haven't you been paying any attention? When I send you back, you'll be glamoured so that the staff doesn't notice your new, how shall we put this, appearance?"

"Okay, but that doesn't explain how you're going to get me out."

"Why," Voldemort said, drawing back as if shocked to the bone, "Your dearly beloved Uncle Theseus is going to come and collect you of course! While you're having a very bad panic attack, your magic will begin to destroy your ward. I'll come just in time, and you'll be so grateful to see your dear uncle, you'll rush into his arms and cry on his shoulder. Why, you'll be so happy to see your uncle, all your symptoms will fade, you'll break free from the panic and say what wretched things your relatives," a world of hatred filled the single word like an epithet, "did to you and you didn't feel safe until you were in my arms again."

"And you think they'll just release me to you?" Harry asked, unconvinced.

"Oh, they will. Al, my legal counsel for the case, has already arranged all of the paperwork. At the hospital, you will sign it in front of witnesses to confirm the emergency adoption."

"That's not how adoptions work, Theseus, gods, that name is so pretentious, though I suppose the name should fit the person."

There was another sting to his backside, but Harry ignored it this time.

"Well, I suppose you've never had a wizarding emergency adoption, and definitely not one overseen by the most accomplished goblin lawyer of the age."

Harry rolled his eyes. 

"Alright, dearest uncle mine, what's the plan?"