Dark Lord's Pet

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Voldemort

Squeezing his eyes shut and feeling like a cradle robber- wait, did he just pretend to give a fuck about societal norms? Now he had to do it- he pulled Harry closer, leaned down and-

Harry burst out laughing. Voldemort's face was still descending though, and the kiss landed on the corner of the brat's laughing mouth.

In confusion, he reeled back, looking indignantly at the boy who was laughing so hard he was nearly choking.

"What the hell Potter?"

"The big bad Dark Lord!" Harry wheezed, "Scared of tears?!"

He ran a hand over his smooth scalp, "Shows what I get for letting anyone talk to Nagini, she's rubbing off on you. And I am not scared of tears. I enjoy causing pain to people and watching them writhe and suffer. I assure you they cry all the time and it is quite satisfying."

"Defensive, aren't we? Anyways, that's different. Those are from physical pain. Either you can't handle emotional tears, or you just don't like to seem me cry," Harry said, grinning cheekily.

Voldemort was no saint. In fact, he'd figured himself the very devil himself if he'd never met Dumbledore. So really, one couldn't blame the very appealing image that arose in his mind. Harry, tears welling in his eyes as he knelt before Voldemort, looking up at him as-

And now it's time for a subject change!

"I assure you, Harry, I would love to see you cry," he took a step forward and leaned down again.

Harry's face was upturned, his green eyes piercing, and Voldemort swooped down and bit his neck, hard.

"Ahh!" Harry groaned out, flinching momentarily before stilling.

Voldemort fed venom into the brat, biting harder. Harry was his, his to punish, his to claim. 

Unfastening his teeth for a moment, he hissed, "Now pet, are you going to pretend to cry again?" 

The boy had been pretending before goddammit, had made Voldemort suffer through his other living horcrux embarrass him, and it was now his job to draw a line in the sand. One oughtn't test the Dark Lord, or they'll get bitten.

Harry let out a high whimper, body shuddering as he fell against the older wizard, venom working through his system, and Voldemort was surprised to find the boy had enjoyed the bite. More than he would've expected.

"Well," Voldemort said, dry as kindling, "I suppose I found my match. The masochist to my, what did you call it again Pet? Sadism?"

Harry grumbled something into Voldemort's chest, body still wracked by shivers, and Voldemort picked him up in his arms. The brat was still far too light, and curled up against him as he was cradled by the Dark Lord.

Really. Just like a kitten.

Of course, kittens didn't usually swear, something Harry was definitely doing as he muttered hostile words under his breath, but that's what made having the boy for a pet so funny.

"Did you just call me a sack of desiccated old farts?" Voldemort said, halting midstride, shocked and unwillingly amused.

"Yes you piece of shit from a thestral's ass."

Two stings were sent to the boy's own ass, "Language, Pet," he said, lilting.

"Shut up! And stop being such a perv! You're what, ninety?"

"Sixty-eight, thank you, and shouldn't you be the one questioning your life decisions? You just got hard from me injecting you with venom. I'm pretty sure most people prefer a different variety of bodily fluid, such as, I don't know, seme-"

Harry sank his own teeth into Voldemort's pec, hard.

"Shit," he cursed, "You little-"

He quickly put a muzzle on Harry's face with a quick charm, "Pets that bite need to be restrained. I think I need to get a rabies shot, you drew blood!"

Harry glared up at him sullenly.

Voldemort dropped him ungracefully into a wooden chair before a table and summoned ropes to bind the brat. It wasn't so much that they were needed as he was just pissed.

"Now, Little Monster, I'm going to do a blood analysis test on you. It'll definitely show if you do, indeed, have rabies."

A silver knife quickly opened a cut on Harry's palm, and Voldemort let fourteen drops fall on the parchment.

"Liliokahesh kivi," he muttered.

The blood turned gold and flashed across the parchment, moving too fast to see for a few seconds before settling into neat golden words.

Name~ Harry James Potter
Age~15
Birthday~ 31 July 1980
Parents~ Mother- Lily Juniper Potter nee Evans (deceased), Father- James Charlus Potter (deceased)

Godparents~ Alice Emeline Longbottom nee Prewett (declared insane), Sirius Orion Black (declared insane, fugitive)
Magical Guardian~ Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore 
Muggle Guardians~ Petunia Beatrice Dursley nee Evans, Vernon Claudius Dursley
Status~ Wizard
Power~ 1618/1500
Mental Status~ Suicidal, Depressed, PTSD, Masochistic, Unstable, 

Physical Status~ Severe prolonged malnutrition, stunted magical core, stunted growth, horcrux to Tom Marvolo Riddle
Inherent Abilities~ Parstletongue, parstlemagic, speed, eidetic memory (damaged), magic, healing, truth seeking, occlumens, legilimens, conversion
Acquired Abilities~ Venom resistance (basilisk venom residue), unnatural self healing (pheonix tear residue), location magic (developed), wandless magic (developed), nonverbal magic (developed), body shield (developed), mental blockages (developed)
Magical Abilities~ Transfiguration, charms, creature, horticultural, environmental, mental, physiological, potion, inventive, healing, repair
Inherited Titles~
Lord Potter (birthright)

Lord Gryffindor (magical heir)

Heir Slytherin (conquest)
Lord Ravenclaw (magical heir)

Lord Hufflepuff (magical heir)

Lord Hogwarts (fulfills requirements)
Lord Black (by necessity, former Lord declared insane)
Lord Peverell (birthright)
Assigned~

Master of Death

Master of Creatures

Lord of Magic

Inherited Items~

Invisibility cloak
Resurrection stone
Elder wand
Ring x11

Circlet of Magic

Necklace of Di

Mate~ Not officiated

Well. . . That was something. . .