Trauma , the name doesn't sound nearly as deadly as the beast itself, without the meaning, you might actually find it pretty sweet. How big is the beast? How long does it extend its visit ? Well it doesn't matter if it is big or small, it lasts for what feels like forever, in many cases forever, literally. It's everywhere, in the very air we breathe, it's hard to escape.
Trauma , it leaves footprints so large it's impossible to try and cover them , but we still try though it doesn't suffice, to wipe them out would turn out better. One tiny thing, a pain that's just hard to handle, being a witness to a tragic death , it can all send you down this treacherous road .
Trauma results to fear , fear of being you , of merely existing, of everything really, the snapping of a twig , the sound of a closing door and any sound really. Things you must live with. Every minute is crowded by something.
Do you know what it's like? To not breath yet somehow there's too much air in you ? To feel like you're on the brink of death every single minute , and when happiness slips in you're busy worrying about its leaving and before you know it, it's gone? To touch insanity? I really hope you don't relate
Perchance you've wondered more than once why people hurt themselves or why they'd jump off a building. For the first I'd say is to hold on to sanity , to find a normal in the absurd, to have something over yourself, to hurt yourself then comfort yourself (unlike anything else that has hurt you ) but mostly to ease pain even if it's just for a minute. To erase the voices in your head for a second and that's just how long it lasts, a second, a minute then the pain creeps back in bringing all the chaos it could gather. It's a choice you'd say, self harm, and maybe it was at the beginning and then you became a slave. Believe me, I don't want to cut , to be hideous or abnormal but didn't the rich man crave for just a drop of water on his tongue to ease hell fire? ( Rich man and Lazarus in the bible)
The latter, now that's a complicated calculation. I believe our abilities to adapt are different and it's funny that we're supposed to "adapt" to pain . If a man decides to take his own life then to him that might have seemed like the only choice because how can one live on without actually living ? Anything to stop the pain . Anything.
Does it get better? Well there's only one way to find out.Hold on . please.
