The Crossdresser's Workplace Phrasebook.

Part 6

Julie, my executive assistant, has been the employee of the month three times this year. This is quite an achievement. In the company foyer there is a nice frame into which the staff headshot of the employee of the month is inserted for all visitors to the company to see.

I find this surprising as I know that much of the time she spends working on her novel about her journey through depression. 'Ten Years Of Hell' is sure to be a big seller. I understand she's shrunk it down to around 500 pages. I think she was offended when I asked her if it was a comedy. Humor is a very profitable category. Anyway, all that said, it's just a little surprising to see Julie's portrait once more hanging in the foyer.

One would think no one would notice such things. However, I know from experience that these things are noticed. I can say this because last time she was employee of the month I substituted Julie's very professional headshot for one I'd taken of Hannibal, my dachshund and it was indeed noticed.

I will not claim to be the best of employees. I feel somewhat outside of the corporate mainstream. I do my work, I give the company every cent of what they pay for. Not much more though. I keep boundaries, as any crossdressing advertising account executive should. The advertising business is, after all, somewhat cut-throat.

It might be said that my advancement has taken place generally marginally before the collapse of departments I have landed in. I've probably jumped ship more times than Matt Gaetz has girls of dubious age. The trick is, obviously, to jump ship shortly before she goes down. I am referring to the 'ship', not Gaetz's girlfriend.

This behaviour has earned me a reputation as a survivor, with those astute enough to notice. It is ironic that those astute enough to notice are also those who are surviving. You may wonder how such cynicism developed. If you're in the ad. business long you get cynical. And what of those who have dreams of making their way upwards in this most creative of businesses?

That's a fair question. They get eaten up and spat out pretty quickly. It's the nature of the business. Like the copywriter who came up with a slogan for a campaign for a town with a new natural gas refinery. "This Place Is Going To Boom!"

It was judged to have brought plenty of jobs to the community but did nothing for property values. That was one copywriter who didn't have a job on Monday morning.

This is not an easy business. Those who dream of building profitable agencies may just survive long enough to be taken over by one of the large advertising conglomerates. They will have the good fortune to sell, quit the business and go and sit on some tropical beach somewhere. In their meantime their freshly digested agency provides fodder to the conglomerate, in the form of their clients, which then moves forward once more in search of another lesser agency on which to feed. With size come efficiencies the small companies can't hope to match. Some departments are so efficient they barely function at all.

In a world of greed and self interest the advertising agency is like a shark in a dark sea. And the only thing a shark fears is a bigger shark, which is exactly what the advertising conglomerates are. They either allow the small agency to stay in business long enough to drive the partners into bankruptcy court, or they devour it.

As an increasingly senior staff member my job is to make sure I step from one burning disaster of a sinking ship to the next, hopefully progressing upward a little as I do so. If I were a rat on a sinking ship you'd be able to tell me at a glance. I'd be the one leaving wearing heels. As for my gender choices, they are put down to the eccentricities of a highly motivated creative individual.

"One that will do a good job for the clients," say the partners. "And she's nice to have around the place."

I find myself wondering if I should feel bad about them having such transparently cynical ideas of inclusivity, or for being misogynistic. But I can't feel bad about advertising people. They're my kind of people. Like the rest of us they're doing the best they can.

What more can one really ask for?