Shadows of Tomorrow

Chapter 71 - Training

Author's Note: Things pick up in the next chapter. ;)

~ Amina Gila

Ahsoka isn't even surprised to hear from Marr that there are more Inquisitors out there. The Empire seems to have almost unlimited resources of every kind, but she's been fighting them constantly for the past sixteen years, and she knows they are making a difference, even if it's happening slowly.

It's easier now that Marr is with her again. She thought it would take a long time to get used to calling him that, but really, he's changed from the 'Theseus' she used to know. They've reformed their friendship, but it's different than it used to be. They don't have nearly the same amount of time to spend around each other that they did when they were young, but it's better than nothing. He's... the first person she's allowed herself to become close to again after all these years.

And then there's... Anakin. She still can hardly believe that he's alive. She can't make sense of what she felt though – because while he might've Fallen on Mortis that was completely different. She died there, too, but she's still alive, and now, she still wonders how much of it was a vision versus reality. It could be all, for what she knows.

This is completely different, and she hardly knows how to handle it. All these years, what kept her moving was the knowledge that it's what Anakin would want her to do, but that's not possible if he's Fallen. She tries to tell herself it doesn't matter because he's not her master anymore, and she's not his padawan, because she left him – but that is what she struggles with most. She left him. When she had the choice, she chose herself, and would he have turned if she was there to help him?

"I wasn't expecting Vizma to run into an Inquisitor without me," Marr tells her. Ahsoka knows how hard this must be for him – it was the Inquisitors who killed Satine and chased him off Mandalore.

"I know," she concedes, "But it's inevitable. She needs to be prepared to face them."

"Yes," he agrees, looking none too happy, "I'm training her as well as I can, but..."

"But what?"

"When we were young, we were trained by many masters. Kanan and I are the only Jedi she knows, and I want her to know more about the Jedi. She has learned from many Mandalorians, and... I want her to know both."

In truth, Ahsoka has considered taking and raising her own padawan, but it's unrealistic. She doesn't have time when she's focusing all her efforts and time on the Rebellion, and she doesn't want to, anyway. She doesn't want to care for someone when she lost her last family. She won't make the same mistake twice, where she becomes too close to someone. Maybe it wasn't her fault that Anakin Fell, but it still feels like it was. She won't let herself become so close to someone again, and she won't let another become so close to her, either. She won't be the cause of another's Fall.

"I'm not asking you to train her," Marr continues, "She is not, and never will be, a Jedi, but she needs to know their ways. I was able to find balance through training under both a Jedi and a Sith, and I know there is more she should know that she can't learn from me."

"I will... think about it," she concedes. "I understand your point. As a Mandalorian, she relies too much on her own skills instead of the Force."

"Placing blind belief in one's connection the Force can lead to arrogance," Marr reminds. "Remember what you were like back then?"

She smiles faintly. Yes, Ahsoka remembers that – she had thought she could handle anything, and it did more harm than good. She can't count how many times she disobeyed Anakin, thinking she knew better, and got them both into trouble.