Name: Hannah JonesFamily: Muggle father, witch mother (but you didn't know that for a long time), big brotherAppearance: long, dark brown hairCharacter: absolute advocate of logic, inquisitive, stubborn, somewhat wacky humorYour story begins in your sixth year at Hogwarts and takes place in Marauder's Day. You're going to Ravenclaw, but you're pretty good friends with Lily Evans. But not so good that you deign to hang out with the Marauders because of her ;)You're not as arrogant as it sounds, but you can be extremely stubborn. And the Marauders have been through with you since third grade.Your favorite subjects are Transfiguration and Arithmancy because you're just a little bit better at them than any other and it makes you proud to be that good at something difficult.Hardly anyone can bring your humor to the fore because it takes you a really long time before you can let yourself go with friends so that people can discover your funny side.
Lily called my name, but I heard her through cotton wool. My thoughts were focused too much on the large, white sheet in front of me. It was at least A2 size and spread out in front of me on a bench near the lake. I had already filled part of the page with long lines, small notes, family trees, timelines, explanations and lots of arrows. I was in the process of adding things and drawing another tree diagram because I had a new idea. My pen swept across the paper and the sheet filled.These sheets were my scientific mind maps. I loved logic since I was a little kid. When my Hogwarts letter came I was really concerned for about half a day, but then my mother had told me that she was a witch too and explained things to you about the wizarding world. I then decided that magic can only be logical and created my very first scientific mind map when I was 11. About magic and the wizarding world.From then on I loved what-if questions and created a scientific mind map for each of my theories."Hannah!" Suddenly Lily was standing next to me. I looked up and tucked a strand of my long brown hair behind my ears. "We have to go, right? I'll be there," I said and stood up, touching my paper with my wand so it curled and shrank, put it in my pocket and turned to Lily.We walked up to the school building together and talked about this and that. I had Charms with the Gryffindors right away and Lily and I usually met beforehand.Unfortunately, on the way to the classroom we ran into the four most annoying boys in the whole school: James, Sirius, Remus and Peter.I just rolled my eyes when James called for Lily, expecting her to react annoyed as usual. To my surprise, she started smiling brightly and even allowed him to take her hand.It wasn't until Sirius started laughing that I realized I was staring like a car. That's why Lily realized again that I still existed and looked at me apologetically: "I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry. I'm now..." James interrupted her and said proudly, "...with me"."I see that," I could only choke out in amazement, too surprised even to glare at Sirius for laughing at me. Lily blushed at my obvious surprise and we walked into the classroom in silence.During the class, for some unknown reason, I became kind of sad. Lily was my only real friend, although she wouldn't even call me her best friend. Now I would lose her to the Marauders for good.I kept looking at her sideways. If I wanted us to stay friends I would probably have to spend quite a bit of time with the boys. I didn't like that at all, but I didn't want to be without a girlfriend even less. I sighed and realized that for better or for worse I had to try again with the four boys.Because in the third grade I had wanted to make friends with them. I kind of admired her back then, but mostly found her funny. I had thought they would be impressed by my logical disposition which would surely have helped them with some pranks.Instead of taking me seriously, they found it funnier to play some pranks on me.And when, for the third time after I'd tried to speak to them, I stood there with my glittery uniform and dyed hair sticking up, Lily had rushed to my rescue. She had helped me clean everything and put my hair back together, and fueled my boiling anger at the boys.As the years went by, I kind of didn't care, especially since I found the pranks funny in retrospect. Yes, I have a wacky sense of humor, but actually it was really funny. you had in me saw the typical nerd and said with a laugh that I would at least attract attention with it.Although I would never admit it in front of them, they were right about something. I didn't stand out at all. Not at all. Maybe that's why I still lacked friends today, because I didn't even have a lovable quirk.After class, I left the room with Lily, who of course joined the Marauders. So the six of us went to the meadow. Because everyone was talking and I just stood by in silence, I asked Lily what she had now and if she wanted to study with me over the weekend.Unfortunately, that went half wrong, because Lily said hesitantly, "But this week is a Hogsmeade weekend again." I shrugged, "I wasn't going to go," I just said. "Really?" Not only James who had asked, but also Lily and Sirius looked at me in astonishment. "Well, I still have enough candy and it's not fun alone anyway," I tried to talk myself out of it quickly. But Lily beamed as if she had a brilliant idea: "Just come with us. I wanted to go with James so you can keep the boys company." I didn't seem too excited as Lily added, "But of course there'll be six of us too." "Okay, I can come with you if that's ok with you?" I looked at the others and they all nodded.And so I had voluntarily entered the den of the (literal) lions. Six of us went to Hogsmeade. After a few shops, Lily, James, Sirius and I ended up at Zonko's. Remus and Peter wanted to go somewhere else and I didn't want to go anywhere without Lily.When I saw the chewing gum sticking to my teeth on a shelf, I could hardly hold back my laughter. "What is it, Hannah?" Lily asked, noticing me giggling as I turned a packet in my hand. Of course James and Sirius now turned their attention to me as well. I told her the story anyway: "A few years ago I gave my brother one of these and he couldn't open his mouth. I didn't know the counterspell, and we're not allowed to do magic at home, so I couldn't help him. Our parents weren't there though and he really tried everything to get the gum off until my mom came home that evening." Lily and I burst out laughing. She had seen my brother before and could well imagine Hendrik, who was usually in a bad mood, with his teeth glued together. "Did you get in trouble?" she then asked curiously."Yes totally. Even though it was an accident, Hendrik was really angry with me for a long time." "What, even more than usual?" This sentence from Lily made us laugh again. My brother isn't a dear big brother, he's almost always terribly annoyed by me."Why is that so funny?" James asked. He and Sirius stood by blankly. "My brother Hendrik is three years older than me. He's a muggle and has always found me annoying. I guess I accidentally pulled his hair off when he was eight when he was teasing me and he didn't like it," I said, giggling. Now we all grinned."I didn't think you could be funny," Sirius said bluntly, looking at me. "Um, I... well..." I stuttered. That caught me unexpectedly. Lily slung an arm over my shoulder and glared at him warningly. "Just because Hannah doesn't have a supersized ego like you do, doesn't mean she's a bore." Sirius raised his hands in amazement and took a step back. "Okay, okay. I didn't mean that at all. I was just surprised," he said. Lily looked at me questioningly, should I forgive him? and I just nodded."It's okay," I said to Sirius and we left the store. The mood was up again, but I bit my lower lip thoughtfully. I was surprised myself that I just told them that, but the fact that Sirius had to say it like that kind of struck me. I have to admit, to my shame, that I actually liked Sirius. Aside from all his girly stuff, he was really funny and not even stupid from what I could tell. He was just too loud, smug, and careless of others, which is why I didn't want to be friends with him.I pushed the thoughts away and we continued walking through Hogsmeade. After a while, James and Lily then took off, which of course earned them some silly jokes from Sirius. James just said that he should probably spend some time with his girlfriend and Lily just smiled at him like that again.Then I was already standing alone next to Sirius, Remus and Peter. We went into Honeydukes and luckily after that Remus spoke to me. We talked a bit and then even had a reasonable chat with Sirius. Peter seemed to want to say even less than I did.We ended up in front of a bookstore when we met James and Lily again. I had just noticed that Remus was reading a series of books that I also liked and we wanted to see if the new installment was out yet. We stopped just outside the store and while James and Lily briefly explained that they were in the three broomsticks and for a walk, Sirius, who was surprisingly listening as mutely as I was, suddenly asked me: "Do you actually have a boyfriend?" I was aware that I looked at him confused and said no. Then we entered the bookstore and I went to Remus, who was looking for the right department.But my thoughts had raced straight away. Why was Sirius asking me that? He had exchanged maybe three words with me before today and I couldn't imagine that he could want anything from me. Besides, who said I wanted anything from him?Remus read a few books and I slowly wandered the shelves. Peter had disappeared somewhere in the back and then suddenly I had to be just a shelf away from Lily, James and Sirius because I heard Lily's voice. "Sirius, I'm warning you. You keep your hands off her," she hissed at him softly. James chuckled softly and Sirius asked quite innocently, "I don't know what you mean, what are you talking about?" but even I could hear the mischievousness in his voice. "I heard what you asked her outside and I'm not stupid. You're not going to play with her like everyone else," Lily replied, still speaking softly. I stood there frozen. James said, laughing, "And I know you all too well, Padfoot. First check whether she's taken and then act like a gentleman, that's how you always do it." It was quiet for a moment and I heard Lily hiss menacingly again: "Sirius"."Okay, calm down. I'll leave it then," he finally grumbled. "How did you get the idea?" Lily asked, "you didn't even look at it before today". With that she spoke from my soul and I remained very quiet, because that really interested me now. "Well, she's quite pretty and she also has a nice smile," Sirius admitted openly and my heart almost stopped. Then Lily said something about him still kindly leaving me alone and I scurried away quickly because I heard her footsteps.I stopped at a shelf near Remus, quickly picked up a book and pretended to read the blurb. When I saw the three of them coming towards me out of the corner of my eye, I put the book down and turned to face them. "Did you find something?" Lily asked me smiling and if I hadn't just heard the conversation I wouldn't have noticed that she put herself between Sirius and me.I said no to her question just as Remus and Peter joined us. "The new volume won't be out for a few days," Remus informed me, who had specifically asked the saleswoman because we hadn't found it on the shelf. "Okay thanks" I smiled at him.We left the bookstore and fortunately made our way back to the castle shortly afterwards. I talked a bit more with Remus and Lily, who hopefully didn't notice. Then I said goodbye and headed to the Ravenclaw common room. I urgently needed time now to sort my thoughts.Maybe I'll keep glancing at Sirius inconspicuously every time I see him. I just couldn't believe that he had considered what to do with me.Unfortunately, Lily had apparently decided that she wanted to keep a close eye on me, and so I was now studying with her and Remus on a regular basis. Remus was actually quite nice and I could tell we were becoming friends.Whenever the four of the Marauders showed up, Lily would discreetly stand between Sirius and me, and I suddenly realized that for some reason I didn't like it. I shooed those thoughts away, but unfortunately they kept coming back.About three months after my first Hogsmeade trip with the five (yes, I just always went along after that and Lily seemed happy about it) I was sitting on my bench near the lake. Yes, this time on the bench, my paper in front of me on a table that was suddenly just in front of me a few weeks ago.I was working on my favorite mind map, the invisible friend theory. It was already pretty full, but I still added something here and there.Suddenly someone dropped onto the bench next to me. I looked up and stared at Sirius briefly in surprise before I could pull myself together. He noticed my look. "James is really annoying right now and I saw you sitting here. I hope I'm not disturbing you?" he asked and I shook head, a bit confused. Sure, I'd gotten to know him better lately and realized he wasn't as bad as I thought he was, but I wasn't expecting such a polite question. He leaned across the table and examined my hand. "I've been wondering for a while what you're writing on those huge sheets of paper. What's that?" he asked, seeming genuinely interested.Oh, that would be a long explanation. "Well, I like logic," I started and Sirius grinned. "What?" I asked, "Nothing, please tell me more" he said. "When I found out I was a witch, I made my first of these charts. This allows me to view and check theories that I set up in detail from all sides. These sheets are, so to speak, possible answers to all sorts of what-if questions. The theories are pretty weird most of the time, but I enjoy trying to figure out how well I can use logic to fit reality to these theories," I explained. Sirius looked stunned. "I understand the first part, but not quite the rest. Do you have an example?" He still seemed genuinely interested, so I nodded and pointed to the paper in front of me. "This is sort of my question: What if children's invisible friends really existed? So what I mean by that is that a lot of kids between the ages of four and seven have "invisible friends" who always have to eat and play with them and stuff like that." Sirius nods, grinning, "yeah, I've heard of that." A little relieved, I continue: "The question is, what if these friends really exist, only that they are invisible? If they are like ghosts that only appear to children? Then it would mean that either we have certain abilities as children that we lose as we grow up, similar to milk teeth, or that these spirits visit the children and accompany them for a while, perhaps to teach them, to help them or to protect them protection. This in turn raises the question of why some children have these invisible friends and others do not. And that's actually how it goes on and on" I finished my little lecture and waited for Sirius' reaction with mixed feelings."That's what you meant by adjusting reality. If these spirits really existed, the conditions would be different, with different consequences, and therefore the same things could be different. I was now staring at Sirius in open astonishment. Then a smile spread across my face. "Yes! Exactly that's what I mean!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, "I didn't think you would understand that, or even want to understand that," I added when he looked at me in amusement. Sirius looked back at my paper. "It's also incredibly complex, but just as incredibly interesting," he looked at me again and I couldn't take my eyes off of him, "you have my absolute respect for that, that's an extremely high theoretical level". The compliment warmed my heart and I still looked into his eyes.Somehow we got closer and then suddenly he kissed me. I was frozen for a moment, but then my eyes closed of their own accord and all I could see was his lips, which were warm and soft.Not two seconds later he broke away from me again. I opened my eyes and couldn't read his expression.He suddenly sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said, and my eyes widened in surprise. "Um, what... but why?" I asked, confused and probably still not quite sane. "Lily warned me. I should have stayed away from you, but I couldn't resist. I really don't want you to think that you're just one of many. Well, but I'm not good with relationships either, and I don't want to do that to you, so I better go now," he said. When nothing came from me because I was still far too caught off guard, he got up (and was I wrong, or did he look disappointed?) and just left.I stared after him. Then I tapped my paper, shoved it hurriedly into my pocket, and ran after him. Confusing, conflicting emotions wrestled within me. I almost stumbled before I could finally enter the castle and took a quick look around.But Sirius was gone. I took a few more steps forward so I could see in all directions. If Sirius hadn't disappeared into a classroom, which would be illogical, I would have to see him. I only saw a few students heading towards the stairs or just coming out of the great hall. I almost called out for Sirius, but bit it back. I pulled my bag close and went to my communion night room.After answering the eagle's riddle, I crossed the common room and went to my dormitory. Luckily it was empty, the others were safely outside on a June afternoon with the nice weather. I sat on my bed and leaned against the wall.What the hell just happened? Sirius kissed me, then said it was a mistake and then left. Please what! Sirius had kissed me! I ran my finger over my lips, feeling like I could still feel his. The scene played out in my head over and over again. When I found myself smiling involuntarily, I had to admit to myself that it had been nice... and that I would love to kiss him again.But he had said it was a mistake, apologized for it. Just why? Didn't he like it? Then I remembered he had mentioned Lily. Was it because of that conversation at the bookstore three months ago? But all she had said was that he shouldn't use me like his other girls. Suddenly the rest of his statement made sense. He didn't want a relationship. When I realized it felt like I got a fist in the stomach.He just kissed me like that. And because he knew how naive I was, he left. So he doesn't go too far and get in trouble from Lily.But maybe I just read too much into it. Into the kiss and his statement. It would be best if I went to him and asked him to explain his behavior to me. Only then it could be that he would tell me exactly how I thought I understood and then I would... yes, what would I? Sure, be sad because I would like to kiss him again, but nothing more. I hadn't fallen in love with him, what a silly thought that was! I guess I just found it such a pity because it had just been my first kiss.I did my best to convince myself of this reasoning as I left my dorm and went in search of Sirius.I walked halfway through the castle without finding a trace of him. When I got to the front of the Gryffindor common room, I toyed with the idea of going inside for a while. But I stood there for a few minutes without anyone entering or exiting the common room, and then I realized that if he wasn't there, I didn't know what to do. So I went again.My mood sank and doubts spread through me. I was angry at myself for giving the incident so much more importance than it seemed to and hurt because I was pretty sure by now that Sirius had left because he didn't want a relationship or trouble from Lily.For the rest of the day I tried to turn my mind off by doing all my homework. At dinner, I poked around at my food for about 20 minutes before realizing I could just watch it after eating. I immediately raised my head and looked over at the Gryffindor table. I spotted Lily, but not a single one of the four boys. Even James wasn't with her, which was strange.Disappointed, I went to the library after dinner. There was no way he would be there, but I didn't intend to keep chasing him. If he wanted to avoid me, please.I grabbed some books on the topics we had covered in class and filled in my notes from class.Then I forgot the time over a book that presented special achievements in the field of transfiguration.When I finally got to my dorm and crawled under the covers, the full moon was already shining through the window. Unfortunately, since it was a cloudless night, I drew the curtains on my bed. I closed my eyes and fortunately fell asleep soon.The next morning I saw the four boys again sitting next to Lily eating. But they left earlier than me and I wasn't done yet. Also, I didn't dare to go to Sirius anymore, because the sight of him had brought everything back to my mind. Inwardly, I insisted that my reason was that if I asked if I could talk to Sirius alone, silly jokes would come from James.Either way, I didn't see any of them until the second hour.During recess, I met up with Lily and Remus on the way to the Charms classroom. I didn't have my book with me so I was concerned I must have put it away in the wrong place last night but couldn't find it this morning. I had just asked Lily if I could use hers during class when we turned the corner and I stopped dead in my tracks. Luckily, Lily and Remus stopped too, so I didn't stand out."Seriously Sirius? We have I've got a class in five minutes," Remus said, half amused, half annoyed. Because in an alcove leaning against the wall, Sirius and a blond girl were hugging and kissing. I didn't recognize her, and when Sirius pulled away from her at Remus' words, I did what I thought was the most logical thing to do in that millisecond: I turned on my heel and was around the corner before Sirius found me next to Lily and Remus could see.I rushed to my dorm and then stood there, frozen in shock.So that was pretty clear. Not even I could interpret something wrong into it, there was no theory that could adapt reality.Sirius had kissed another less than twenty-four hours later. I took a deep breath, but that didn't help the nagging feeling of being hurt and betrayed.I stood there helplessly for a few more seconds, trying not to cry. Then I got angry. Why did I just have to hold back the tears? I knew it anyway and I shouldn't do that. I would just never exchange a word with that mean dog named Sirius again and forget the whole thing as soon as possible.I was about to leave because I really had to be at class in a few minutes when I saw my Charms book in the pile of books on my bed. I grabbed it and headed back to the classroom as quickly as possible. Now I even had an excuse.I took my seat a minute before class started. Before Lily could ask me why I had suddenly disappeared, I held up my book. "I remembered where I put it and quickly got it," I said. Lily nodded and I quickly looked back at my seat because on the bench next to Lily were Remus and Peter and behind them James and Sirius.I was unfocused the whole hour. I felt like I could sense Sirius' presence and it hurt.When class was over, I was one of the first to scurry out of the room. I just smiled at Lily but didn't say anything. As I ate, I purposely didn't look over at the Gryffindor table and left the Great Hall while everyone else was still eating. After class, I would snuggle up in the library or do excessive homework.A few days went by and it just didn't get any better. Sometimes I'd hear Sirius laugh in class and I'd want to curl up or just run away. Anyway, I gave him the cold shoulder and his friends too.Only one afternoon, Lily and Remus walked into the library while I was sitting there. Lily asked if we wanted to study together again and of course I couldn't say no without alarming her.When the last Hogsmeade weekend of the year was announced, I canceled Lily on a flimsy excuse without speaking to the boys. As I turned to leave, I got the feeling that Remus was looking at me thoughtfully. I hope he didn't notice anything!I couldn't forget about the holidays, but I could repress them. I was vacationing with my family and avoided Lily except for a few days when she stayed with me.As much as I loved her, I was secretly glad when she left because she talked about James eighty percent of the time.But then I realized that that meant the new school year was fast approaching. After all, it was our last, so I would just always be able to say that I wanted to study for the exams.Year 7 began like any other. Less than a week into the year, we were all back to our typical everyday lives.After two weeks I started studying with Lily and Remus again. It seemed like the two of them had forgotten my odd behavior before the holidays, and that was fine with me. I still avoided the other Marauders.On the Wednesday after that, I took my time putting my things away when our final Charms class was over. By the last part of the hour I had my notes and books spread out all over my desk and was in no hurry to give them away. Everyone else left the classroom, glad to have finished today's lesson. So does Lily and the Marauders. I'd told Lily she was fine and then she'd disappeared out the door with the boys in the stream of students. Even Professor Flitwick had left.I was packing my last book in my bag when I heard a chair being pushed back. I spun around, startled. Sirius approached me. "Hello" he said and just looked at me. "Hi" I mumbled and looked away. I grabbed my bag and turned to leave. "Hannah, can I talk to you for a minute?" Sirius asked and I froze. I didn't know what he wanted, but I knew where llte away from here... Then I noticed how I turned around and quite annoyed: "What is it?" asked. Damned. Why did he have such control over me?"You're avoiding me," he stated, fixing me with his gaze.What a quick reminder, I thought sarcastically. "Yes I do. Can I go now?" My question sounded annoyed and I stared at the floor.Sirius approached instead of answering. "Why?" he asked, only two steps away from me. I almost burst my collar."Why did you kiss me?" I asked a counter question. Sirius looked confused, then said, "I told you that." "No you have not. You told me that kissing me and not wanting a girlfriend would get you in trouble with Lily before you just left." I turned and headed for the door. I didn't want him to see how much this still hurt me. I heard footsteps and the next moment he was past me and blocked the door. "Seriously?" I gave him an annoyed look and crossed my arms."I just want to explain it to you. I didn't say it that way, and I certainly didn't mean it that way. I kissed you because..." he suddenly looked kind of embarrassed, "because I fell in love with you." I stared at him and my brain stopped for a moment before I could realize who was in front of me was standing."Then you're dumber than I thought," I said simply. "Why?" he asked blankly.I snorted in frustration and took a step towards him. "You don't make out with someone the next day after you've kissed the person you're in love with!" I snapped at him. I knew he could see how he had hurt me and how angry I was at him, but I couldn't change that now."I was pretty upset that you dumped me, okay? I couldn't think straight when she threw herself at me," he cried, roughly ruffling his hair.Now it was my turn to look at him blankly. "What? When did I dump you please?" I asked. Sirius noticed my confusion."You just looked at me like that, after the kiss, and then you didn't say anything when I explained to you that I didn't want to do anything wrong because I like you, and then I figured that means you I don't want to and that's why I left". He talked so fast I could barely keep up. But my brain was stuck on "then you didn't say anything"."You know I need logic! You didn't even give me time to think! You didn't really think I'd have an answer for that after my first kiss!" I exclaimed in frustration, my cheeks flushing. A smile crossed Sirius' face. "That was your first kiss?" he asked surprisingly softly. I looked away and nodded. "What did you think? You aptly called me a bore without friends myself," I murmured to the floor. "And I'm very sorry I said that back then," I looked up at his words. He just looked at me.I looked away and let his words run through my head again. He left when I didn't say anything because...I realized something: "You left because you didn't want to hear a rejection from me". Sirius just nodded. "That might have been wrong, but after that you avoided me the whole time and that made me feel validated," he admitted."And I avoided you because I understood you didn't want trouble from Lily and you didn't want a girlfriend," I said, shaking my head."But how did you come up with that?" he sounded puzzled. I had to swallow, looking away. "Well, you said that Lily said you should stay away from me and then that you're not good at relationships and then you were gone," I said, the memory still hurting. "Then you only got half of what I said," he said softly. I was still looking sideways at the floor.Sirius walked up to me and touched my cheek gently, making me look up at him.I immediately lost myself in his eyes. He looked at me seriously. "I wanted to say that I like you, but I'm not sure if you would want a relationship with me." Sirius didn't give a reason, but I knew what he meant without saying it.I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised that he was aware of this. I always thought his I can have anyone attitude was based on the assumption that everyone wanted him and that he believed he was infallible.I took a longer breath in and out as I composed the words in my head. Still being so close to Sirius and looking at him, I noticed the tiny change in his expression. And she left me in surprise again back: Uncertainty had crept into his face.I realised that he really had to care about me, and at the thought the words slipped out of my mouth without my having to think, "Then I would have said I'd like to be your girlfriend, if I'm the only one who does." you kiss" I said softly and at my last words I had to smile.After a moment, the uncertainty faded from his face. He smiled too and I knew that maybe something could work out between us.
