HMU

LXIII

Thinking I was heading to a meeting with a brand as surprising it can be I ended up in a therapy session...Chris had it planned with the help of my assistant. The therapist asks us both a lot of questions, trying to get the both of us to open up and speak more about our relationship. I answered as honestly and earnestly as I could, answering basic questions about ourselves individually and our story. She left us in the room for a minutes resolving a quick issue.

"what ?" I asked feelings chris eyes on me.

"chill with that defensive act, it's going well like can't we just have a conversation with her ?"

"I'm clearly here against my own will" I said making him roll his eyes.

Which is actually crazy if you it about it. We haven't talked since he told me about the dna test results. And he wanna force me into therapy, that's the plan? I ain't against therapy, not all. I did therapy sessions in the past. He knows I just hate being ambushed.

"I'm sorry please tell me how do you want me to act Christopher " I told him sarcastically.

"I don't fucking kn-! ...J- just act like you want us to actually work this shit."

"now why should I do anything? you did this!"

He was gonna respond but therapist came back in the room at the same time.

"I'm sorry for this interruption, we have a new secretary." she said smiling at us before sitting back in her chair.

We both slightly nodded, she looked at us for quite a moment before picking up her notepad on the little table in front of her.

"So like I was sayin before I've counseled a lot different partners and I can say that I've only seen these things happen when the person wanting to leave really wants to stay or is unsure about walking away. That guilt in your eyes, is something I only see in partners who still love their significant others" She told the both of us, waiting on one of us to share.

"I never questioned my love for him. It ain't about that. Never was." I said feeling chris eyes on me.

"do you want to elaborate on that Amber ?" The therapist said pointing me with her pen.

"I love him. I just feel betrayed like I know we are not supposed to share every single thought that we have to each other but that wasn't a "I throw away the trash" type of lie it was a way bigger lie, that he kept from me for months."

"I have this weird feeling now, like unconsciously second guessing everything we have and created knowing that I love him! It hurts cause love isn't enough. I don't want him to think that I don't value our relationship or that our story it's not worth saving. I am trying Okay?! I am. He always been my person. My life lost sense, I don't see myself without him which is scary cause I always been independent but it's real. So yeah I'm trying to get my shit together" I added

"To trust me again? How you gonna do that when you don't even wanna talk to me." He jumped in.

"Christopher no interruption please, guys remember we are here to..."

"Listen to each other..." Chris and I both said.

"Exactly, amber please continue" she said

"I thought i was making progress communicating my feelings but when i found out I just shut myself out completely. I couldn't face him, act like nothing happened just because that baby ended up not being his. Im human, it doesn't work like that, doesn't change the facts. He broke my trust knowing how hard it was to earn it back in the first place." I said staring to get emotional.

"thank you for sharing with us amber." She said before giving me the box of tissue that was in front of me. As chris reached out to hold my hand.

"Let me hear your point of view. what about you Christopher? how this situation affected you?" She asked looking at Chris.

"we're lost. I don't know. powerless. That's how I felt. I still do, which to be honest doesn't feel good. I know she tired of me apologizing. No matter what I say or does im not doing enough. I'm not saying that she is wrong I-I just wanna fixed it -"

"Stop saying that I'm not a fucking car-" I said leaving his grip.

"Amber please, I understand your frustration but-" she said as I sighed and nodded.

"Before we get back to that. Chris it's interesting how you answered my question. I asked you how it affected you and you interpreted that "you" as you and Amber as couple. Can you elaborate on that ?"

"it's bigger that me, she's family. She's my best friend, my everything. Like she said she let me back in her life and losing her again makes me hate myself. So yeah I feel like shit but this is not about me."

"You feel like you lost her?" She asked.

"Kinda yea.."

"Amber ?"

" I- I-"

"Nobody is here to judge you. There is no good or wrong answer in this room."

"I- I don't-"

"hum.. sorry I can't do this. I'm truly sorry." I said getting up, storming out the room.

.....