Spinning Out

Chapter 21

JAINA

My house is dark when we finally pull up to it. My dad is away on a business trip for two weeks, and my mom is out with some friends. I want Elijah to understand why this is important to me. I don't know how else to let him into my world other than to show him a little piece of it.

"Do you want to come inside?" I ask.

He takes a moment to take in the dark house before nodding. He gets out of the car and walks around to my side, opening my door and helping me out. Nathan would get a kick out of that. I'm a strong independent woman, or at least that's what I tell him all the time, but sometimes it's nice to have someone do something for you. So, I put aside my independence and let the cute boy do this small task for me. I imagine Nathan rolling his eyes as I tell him the story. He always tells me I deserve a man that wants to take care of me.

I unlock the door and motion for Elijah to follow me up the stairs to my room. The lights are all off except the sconces we always leave on in the hallway. When we get to my room, I flip on the light switch and my world becomes visible to us.

"Here's my room," I say rather unceremoniously.

Elijah chuckles behind me and then steps inside.

I don't have a fancy bedroom, or one that is color coordinated. I think I'm a simple girl. My walls are covered in pictures. Some hang from twine with clothes pins, and others cover cork boards to the point that they overlap. I have pictures Nathan drew me from the time we were little to just before the accident. He's an amazing artist. I'm sure the sight of all the pictures is a little shocking, but I love to be surrounded by memories.

"Wow," Elijah says as he makes his way over the first large board.

If you start at the right place, you can watch me grow up before your eyes. I hadn't done it intentionally, but somehow each board encompasses each five-year chunk of my life. I also have old black and white photos of my great grandparents when they were young, and other family members I never even met. I love photography and have a strange obsession with old photos as well.

"This is me," I tell him. I stand behind his large figure as he takes in each picture.

"You were a cute baby," he says.

"Just wait for the awkward teen years," I say, knowing my middle school pictures are pretty cringe.

He looks at the pictures and slowly makes his way around my room. I sit on the bed and untie my shoes. It's been a long night. I'm exhausted. I know I need to be up for visiting hours in the morning, but I also don't want my time with Elijah to end.

"You guys did everything together, huh?" he asks.

"Yes," I say, that familiar lump in my throat threatening to become tears and to run right down my face. I swallow slowly and with purpose. I'm good at fighting the sadness now.

"That's cool. My best friend and I grew up together too. Not everyone gets that. We're lucky," he says as he moves over to the latest photos.

I've put up my last one, the selfie Nathan and I took as we got back into the car for the ride home. I ask myself all the time if I'll ever put up the pictures I've take of Nathan in the hospital. They aren't fun or silly, but they do mark the time passing. I think they tell an important story; I just don't know how it ends yet and maybe I'll want to leave off at the last happy time I shared with him.

I watch Elijah study the pictures that feel like they were taken so long ago. There's our life before the accident, then this crazy time after where time doesn't feel real.

"Was this prom?" he asks.

I nod.

"You looked beautiful," he says.

I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Before I can answer he says, "Really smoothed out that junior high look." His lips lift into a sly smile, and I love that he is teasing me. Things got a little too serious for a minute.

"I'm sure you were a stunner in your 6th grade year," I toss back.

He lets out a low whistle. "You'll never know. I've banished those pictures from my house. As far as everyone is concerned, I went straight from fourth grade into my junior year."

When he turns to face me, his smile and strong jaw line make me want to kiss him again. He's funny, caring, and if I'm being honest, he's the cutest boy I've seen.

The adrenaline of the night is wearing off. I'm feeling at peace again. I stay quiet as he takes in the last of the pictures. I move to stand beside him, both of us chuckling at an old picture of me and Nathan in our favorite Halloween costumes. The picture is in its own frame on my desk. It's one of my most cherished childhood memories. It's the center of our senior page in the yearbook. Nathan is dressed like an old man. His suit hangs from his body as he hunches over a cane. Large glasses sit on top of his nose, the lenses popped from their place so that he could actually see. I had helped him spray his hair grey and he had helped roll mine into huge curlers. I stand next to him, my large dress hanging off my body and my nylons bunched up around my ankles. My mother's pearl necklace is around my neck. In this moment I'm glad I have a picture with him as a couple of old friends. We may never make it to that age together.