Spinning Out

Chapter 28

ELIJAH

My pockets are filled with notes from the graduation. Jaina at my side feels so natural as we weave our way through the crowd and out to the parking lot. I stayed back, not quite sure if it was right to be apart of her celebration with her parents, but under the circumstances, they took a few pics and hurried on their way. I know she is in a rush to get back to Nathan while he's in surgery, so I grab her hand and help her through the congestion of recent grads gathering around the front gates to get their last pictures as a group.

"We can meet up later," I tell her. Her car sits at the back of the parking lot. She clearly came as late as possible to the ceremony.

"Ok," she says. Here hands are full of flowers and cards. She stops for a second by the large trash can at the entrance of the lot and tosses all the flowers. "Don't judge me," she says.

"Never," I say. Instead, I help her unload the flowers tucked under her arm so she can throw them away also.

"I just can't bring them all to the hospital. There isn't room and it would be ridiculous to try and find something to keep them in. I appreciate what people did to remember him, but he isn't dead so it feels a little premature." She looks up at me as she lets go of the last carnation.

I get it. It seems more like something you'd see at a memorial than at a graduation. I guess people didn't know what to do to show their support. I walk her to her car and hand her all the notes we gathered and I tucked into my pockets. She tosses them onto the seat next to her and adds some of her own she had hidden away.

"Let me know how he did and when you want to go," I tell her. If things went well, we can head into LA early and if things didn't go well, we can abandon the whole plan for tonight.

"I will," she says.

I watch her pull out of the spot and start winding through the congested lot. Then I make my way over to my car which I had to park a few blocks away. Behind the school there was a wide-open area that made jumping the fence unnoticed easy. I hadn't planned on coming here, but I had seen the announcement on the marque on the way home from the desert and wanted to watch her take the important walk. I know we've just met, but I'm in awe of what she's doing her for friend. Also, I've opted out of walking in my graduation so I might as well watch one just to see what it's like.

I'm not walking for my graduation, and I don't think that Bryant will be home in time to walk either. I'm feeling helpless to make any progress with him, but maybe I can still help Jaina. I head for home and make it there in time for dinner.

"Grab a plate," my mom calls from the kitchen as I come inside.

"Ok," I answer. The house smells like home the most when she cooks. It's welcoming and warm and makes me wonder where Bryant is this evening. Is he staying in with his grandparents or heading back out to the bars? My stomach knots with the thought of it. We always protected each other and I can't protect him from this far away—but I also can't protect him when I'm standing right in front of him. It's no longer the threats on the outside, his threat comes from within.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" My mom asks from over her stew.

I weigh out my options. I'm usually very honest with my parents, but this has felt like something Bryant and I could handle and those things fall under a certain privacy umbrella that we used to honor. It doesn't feel like that anymore.

"I'm worried about Bryant," I tell her honestly.

She nods and watches me for a long pause. "We noticed he hasn't been around," she says.

"He's visiting his grandparents," I tell them.

"Isn't he missing a lot of school?" my dad asks. He's a quiet man that really doesn't meddle in my business, but always knows what's going on somehow. I think he pretends to be ignorant to Bryant's recent drinking even though I've been seeing on his face he's more concerned than he usually is when we go out.

"He is," I say. It comes out resigned and calmer than I'm feeling. It's sad really, the way I know we all can see it's not a good idea.

"What's going on with him?" my mom asks. She doesn't wait for an answer before adding, "I should probably call his mom to catch up."

Our parents have been friendly, but they are all very different people. My mom will stay in touch with anyone, and being neighbors has made that easier. However, I know that since we've grown up, they are in touch less. Life keeps moving forward and people get busy.

"I don't think she knows what's going on," I tell them. I look up and find them looking at each other. It's that look adult exchange that says, 'we need to get to the bottom of this.' I don't know if I'm ready for them to blow this up yet. It still feels like I have an obligation to Bryant to mitigate some of the damage he is doing.

"Well, what IS going on?" my dad asks.

"He's drinking a lot. More than usual. I think he hides it too," I tell them. It feels both heavy and lighter at once. The sentence dropped like lead between us, but my shoulders feel lighter somehow. "But I don't want to worry his parents yet. I think I can get him to come around...or at least I want to try."

The worried look is exchanged again.

"Why don't you try to handle it yourselves for the next week. If it's still feeling out of control, let us help," my dad suggests.

I can feel my mother's anxiety next to me like a radiating energy. Her shoulders are frozen, her eyes pleading to help now, and her leg beneath the table is jumping up and down so quickly I can feel it on the bottoms of my feet through the ground. This is why my mom and dad are a good team. He is the calm, she is the storm. I need both in my life.

"I like that," I agree.

Although I know my mom would love to help this minute, she relaxes at the agreement they can step in soon.