Penny for your thoughts

Payday: Leyla

I knew what she did was wrong and so did she after that night.

I was furious that she lied, undermined my hard work, and tried to buy me, but even after everything, I never held anything against her.

I started to understand how she genuinely felt about me, when she ripped herself away and started putting my feelings and integrity first.

Everything she did was very Lauren, from hiding in a pot with her silly taco hat to allowing me space to move on in her own home;

Sweet. Passionate. Unrelenting.

I've been waiting for so long. The day we reset everything and finally face each other on the same level.

I don't want to see that smile thinly veiling her pain and sadness anymore. She was never good at that, and neither was I.

I don't want her to look away trying to hide the guilt and shame in her eyes. She's long been forgiven, and I should forgive myself for it too.

As much as I felt like she was trying to own me at the time, she never looked at me like I was an object or a charity case.

We never wanted either of us to feel less than. It was just what the logic of it made us feel. Not us. Never us.

I want to look her in the eyes and never feel like looking away.

I've mulled over these thoughts over and over for 3 years. They fueled me.

She's paid enough for our past. It's about time I caught up.

Last I talked to her, I was in knots. Waiting to hear back from one of the private hospitals I applied for.

It's not ideal to be leaving New Amsterdam, but if the price to pay to have her back is time apart each day, fewer hours a day is better than none at all.

I was ecstatic when I got an offer back from Presbyterian and 2 others. I negotiated the sign-on bonus like my life depended on it, and I did it!

I had $80,977.25 left, after paying here and there up to this point. What I got was more than enough, but now I need to come up with words.

Leyla picks up her phone from her kitchen table and glances at a notebook filled with careful calculations and pieces of paper strewn about.

She already withdrew the money. Everything looks good and above board. All that's left is to call Lauren, and that thought brings a smile to her face.

She involuntarily stands up as soon as the call clicks through.

"H-hey, can we meet at yours in 40 mins? I want to make an advance... Ok great!"

She puts the phone back down as she leans forward on the table. Smiling ear to ear and sighing as if she just started breathing after so many years.

Finally! Just a few more minutes. I have to get ready. Oh and I'll have to swing by a place for that one last piece.