Beautiful Fate

13 - Is relief a selfish thing? - Aquarius

She was never of much importance like some of her siblings were. She was more detached and held less value. Beauty may be a virtue but was it one that the others lacked? Barely.

All her siblings were beautiful in their own right. Not in the sense that beauty comes from the inside no. At face value. All her siblings were beautiful in their own right.

She never thought herself very valuable. Killian, he really is a blessing and everyone knew it. Quinn was blessed. Hope was the youngest and that was all that was needed to secure her importance in everyones eyes. Sina and Sydney werent even humans. Angelo was favored among the outsiders and Julian was favored within. Ashley was gifted and Eden was lucky. Felix, Xen and Elara were the only ones she could compare to and yet they still had their own space of value within and/or beyond the castle grounds.

Is it selfish for Sydelle to have been somehow disappointed that the attention wasnt on her and was instead on Angelo? Was it selfish that she was simultaneously relieved?

Quinn had moved to lecture Julian about scaring the kids at this point. The banquet hall was filled with chatter and yet Sydelle was not engaged.

She wished to escape this world she had been brought into and finally find her peace. Settle with a man who would value her in ways none have before, settle with children she could raise in a home she could call her own without fear of a step-mother who would beat her down and shame her.

Allegra had adopted many of the zodiacs as they had all been orphaned at birth. Seeing as producing a sperm for the child of fire or ice could kill a man, birthing the child of the dragon or horse could kill a woman. And should a parent by some miracle survive your creation and your birth, odds are you are abandoned. The reality of the life of Lunas Lovers.

Sydelle was salty and yet she loved Luna. Hated her siblings and yet would die for them if required. I mean. She wanted to die regardless so what difference would it make right? She held no value as the rest of them did. Perhaps if the king had wanted her instead of Angelo she would have become a queen, rather than remaining a powerless Lady.

But she didnt want him. Not really. She just wanted to leave. Maybe go to school for real instead of homeschooling. Maybe go to university and find her one true love. All shifters have mates which would mean perhaps she did too. A soulmate.

Sydelle -

Its stupid to feel envious of Angelo right now. I mean, I noticed it from the beginning, that the king favours some of us more than the others and I was, like always, at the bottom of the list of value. And somehow, Angelo is close to the top. Killian I understand, but Angelo? And Ashley too. The three of them seemed to hold a different kind of importance to the king. Im a simple human being, not very important or very interesting or very intelligent or very outstanding. Im simply Sydelle, the second sister in the house of Lunar. Sure that means that I am a lady in high power, but I'm not the candidate for the crown like Hope and Ashley or the high priestess like Quinn.

Im just Sydelle, the crown of Air and the second Lady in the Lunar household. And even those positions I barely hold. I shouldnt be here. I was born into the wrong life and that is one of the few things I'm sure of. I bet the king is aware of this too. He loves me I'm sure, but our bond I'd rather weak and could easily be snapped if he allowed it. But he wont.
So I wait here in misery.

Dont get me wrong, I love Luna and would do anything for him as I am sure he would for me, but honest I feel like a middle child that mother would be willing to let go of if the situation required. And it hurts knowing thats the position I hold. It hurts knowing that the king would let me go if I so willed it. I bet he'd be the charming king he is and find me a nice husband to my tastes and freely abandon me afterwards. I can see it. The lack of attachment he has for me. So different from Ashley and Angelo and Killian.

I know that they belong with him in ways the rest of us dont but is it so selfish of me to wish that I was the one who was asked for in marriage? That perhaps I could have been the one he was holding in his lap? That maybe I would be the one he felt possessive over the moment he heard that I was to be engaged by Allegras will? But for me he didnt feel possessive. He felt annoyed and irritated. For Angelo he felt possessive. Is it so selfish that I feel relief that I wont have to watch as he gives me up easily? Maybe. Probably.

"Sydelle, whats on your mind?" Killian asks.

"Just wondering what would happen if I was the one engaged" I respond, to which he frowns.

"Do you wish to be engaged?" I look over, pondering his question, and somehow my eyes meet Lunas who had been watching me, probably had been the one to send Killian. My sweet king...

"Perhaps... not to a king but rather a prince? Or a commoner? I want to find my mate" a taboo. One we dont speak of in the castle. One that has my siblings looking at me, frowning.

But Luna smiles.

And so does Killian.

"In due time my sweet sister, the lord loves you and you will find time is working in your favor sweet sister mine." His words speak honest truth, and comfort me. The others are tense and seem somewhat put off. Surprised?

"Have you met your mate Killian?" He frowns, seeming upset.

"Perhaps, but I believe that there has been a mistake in my matching, as time works against me yet again, ironic yes?" Quite. The power of time gifted to whom it never wills bless.

"I hope for your happiest future Killian."

"As do I Sydelle."