stepbrothers - Stray Kids

episode 11.

(TW sh mentioned)

I was doing it maybe something about 20 second and was still crying, when suddenly the door opens....

I quickly stand up and i put on my pants again. I quickly wiped my tears and looked who it was and I saw Minho just standing in the door. I could see him watching me with confused thoughts. It was uncomfortable silence until he decided to broke it.

Minho: What are you doing?

He asked me with broken voice. I didn't want him do know. Gosh what have i put myself into.

Me: It's not like how it looks like.

I said and i was hoping he will trust me but i was wrong.

Minho: Then? What is it?

Shit i was done i couldn't do anything. What i'm supposed say to him! ?

Me: Eee well i was just playing with the lighter nothing more.

I smiled but i knew he would believe me. He was still standing in the doorway. But after maybe 15 seconds of silence he decided to move. He came closer to me so i could see that  he is worried. And then decided to spoke.

Minho: Take of your pants.

He said and i was shocked. Did he really wanted me to take my pants?

Me: What?

Minho: I said took of your pants.

He said with really cold voice. But i didn't want him to see it so i just needed to say no. I know i will probably get a punishment but at this time me i don't care at all.

Me: No

I said little bit scared.

Minho: Fine.

He said and i thought this was the end but i was wrong. Like always.

He was coming closer to me. I didn't know what he wanted to do so i just started going backwards until i was at the conner of my room again. He came to my and said.

Minho: Sorry but i need to see.

He said and i was confused until he grab my pants and pulled them off.

Oh got i didn't know if i should feel ashamed of it or i should cry. So i did both. But i was crying silently.

I could see him watching the burns i had on my left leg. His eyes were watery.

Minho: How long are you doing this?

He asked me i didn't say anything and just pulled my pant on again.

Me: Why would you care.

I said with cod voice because i didn't wanna talk about it. But he didn't care.

Minho: Why would you do this?

I decided to answer.

Me: I- I- I don't k-know....

I said a bit quiet.

Minho: You know that this don't solve problems right?

Well i always have a feeling it solve problems because i don't feel the pain of that problem. I only feel myself burning but after i feel really disappointed in myself that i did it again.

I didn't know what to say. He probably wanna talk about it but i don't. So i just nooded and looked down.

He just sighted probably because he didn't know what to do. And then he put his hand on my chin and lift my head up so i would be looking at him.

Minho: You need to talk about it. Is it because of us?

Now. Should i lie or should i say the truth. Fuck it i know they are going to be mad or something but i didn't have a plan.

Me: Y-yes...

I said really quietly but enough for him to hear it.

Minho: But why would you do this to yourself? Don't you love yourself?

Do i love myself? The answer is i don't know because every time i feel pretty there is some to broke me the ego. In my last school i was bullied for the way i looked like. They were calling me alien because they thought i have big eyes. They were calling me fat so i wouldn't eat because of it. But it didn't help they were alway picking on me. That's the time when i started doing this.

I didn't know how to answer his question so i didn't say anything again.

Minho: Yah you need to talk.

He said with worried voice.

Me: I don't know sometimes i feel pretty but someone always broke it. So to answer you question i don't know if i love myself. I mean sometimes i love the way i look but then someone will come in and will say that i'm ugly, fat, dumb, disgusting and other stuff... I don't thing i deserve the feeling of loving myself...

I said and then looked down. Gosh i want to stop this thing.

Minho: Who said these thing to you? Was it Jeongin!? I swear i'm gonna-

Me: No no no not any of your brothers. I'm my old school i was bullied by some girls group. And after that boys started to bullied me to.

Minho: So that's when you started?

Me: yes....

I said quietly but still enough for him to hear it. I was still silently crying.

Minho: Then why did you did it today?

Me: I'm just being annoyed by the way you all act to me. I'm fifteen i can take care of myself, go to school alone, eat by myself and just everything. And about the rules, i mean why would i ask for you permission to go out or why can i have boys friends?

Minho: Lisa we all have these rules. Our dad made them for our safety and now your apart of our family to so you need to listen to.

To his answer i didn't say anything. It was silence but he decided to broke it.

Minho: How many times have you did this in this house?

Should i lie that i did it only today to not get him that worried or should i say the truth? I think it's going to be better to not lie.

Me: T-two times...

Minho: Oh...

He said probably really disappointed.

Minho: Okey were going to do something about it okey? I'm going to take this.

He said and took my lighter.

Me: Yah!

I yelled a bit and he raised his eyebrow.

Minho: I will try to take care of you so you wouldn't have the feeling to do it again. So yes i'm going to take this.

He said and put the lighter in his pocket.

Minho: If your going to have this feeling again please tell me i will try to help you as much as i can.

I just nooded.

Minho: But you will have to tell me okay?

Me: Yes. Thank you.

Minho: I will do anything for my little sister.

He said with smile and hugged me. I felt really comfortable with his hug. After we broke the hug he start speaking again.

Minho: Okay but I will probably have to tell others. So they will not be that hard on you. You have to trust me with this one okay?

He said with warm voice. I didn't really want him to tell them but i guess there isn't other way. So i nooded.