𝗚𝗟𝗨𝗘 𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗚 ᵉˡˡᶤᵉ ˣ ᶠᵉᵐ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

⌠14⌡

august 14th

if there is one thing ellie will never get tired of, it is to watch you open your eyes for the first time in the morning. it is such a blessing to witness the sunlight in your eyes, even if it makes you wince. it warms ellie's heart to have the chance to have you wake up next to her.

you don't remember putting your t-shirt back on last night. it was ellie who insisted on it because she thought you wouldn't remember the kisses and touches when you would wake up this morning. she thought you would be embarrassed. she wouldn't mind seeing your naked body, but she would hate that you wouldn't want her to see it.

you can feel the warmth of the sun on your face and it reminds you of the soft caresses you felt on your cheeks last night. it reminds you of the kisses you could never forget, even if you tried your best to forget them. because ellie's kisses penetrated every corner of your body and your heart.

you stretch and a soft moan escapes your lips. you can't even imagine what those moans are doing to her.

ellie didn't sleep at all last night. your little snores and the memories of the kisses kept her awake. maybe she was thinking too much or maybe she was too afraid that last night would be a dream if she would fall asleep.

maybe it was just a dream.

maybe it was real.

maybe you don't remember any of it.

maybe you would prefer to forget it.

the last idea is the worst. it would hurt to have the perfect girl in front of you and not be worthy of her.

'hi,' you say quietly.

'i'm sorry about last night,' she says quickly, her eyes fixed on some random object behind you.

oh, right. last night...

'it's fine.'

you wanted more than kisses last night, and you waited eagerly for this morning when you would both be sober. you fell asleep with a huge smile on your face, like a teenage girl who kissed her crush for the first time.

'i shouldn't have kissed you'

'i said it's ok, ellie'

why are you angry all of a sudden? ellie is being nice and sweet to you. you don't even know how bad she feels right now. it felt good, it felt amazing. but now it feels so wrong, like she took advantage of you.

she just nods and stands up in silence.

and for the rest of the day, the whole day, she avoids you. the stunning eye contact is non-existent, as if she has forgotten how to look at you. it is unbearable to feel unseen, especially by ellie. all day long you want to tell her 'look at me, talk to me, laugh with me'.

today is the saddest colour you have ever seen. a heartbreaking grey. but how can you be sad? it was just a kiss. it was just a few kisses. and they meant nothing.

august 14th is filled with owen's jokes and everyone's laughter. but you will always remember ellie's lost eyes, trying so hard not to look at you.

when you would talk to everyone in the living room, she would look at her hands and would play with her fingers.

she is wearing a grey hoodie because it is less hot and raining outside. she is not wearing the one she gave you the night at the amusement park. it still smells like you. having your scent on her all day is worse than being tortured.

'look, ellie! why don't you play a song instead of playing with your fingers,' dina says, pointing the guitar at the wall.

'oh no, don't let her play the guitar, please, it's a good day,' jesse jokes, smiling.