Temporary Agreement (DNF)

Chapter 12

George POV

The day has finally come, and I feel more dishevelled than I would have wished. Standing in front of my mirror and fixing the few strands of hair that just aren't seeming to cooperate with the rest of my head of hair have me more frustrated than usual since I am already on edge. Having to now defend someone I would rather not ever look at again is driving me crazy.

After last night, I felt a surreal amount of embarrassment on my part. I didn't mean to read into things, but I let that side of me that has been getting a little too loud for me to ignore get the best of me, which I will never allow again.

When I observe myself in the mirror, I see nothing but desperation. Someone who is so embarrassingly lonely trying to find something in any little attention they receive. And as much as I would like to crawl into a hole and not show up today, I guess that would just further prove my unprofessionalism.

I also don't want him to think that what he had said has affected me, even though it has and I am dreading today terribly.

But I try to look as composed as I can, wishing I had something to cover up the bags under my eyes from not having the best sleep since I was scared to go home and slept in my car in some parking lot, only coming here this morning to get a suit and take a shower so I don't seem homeless. I was just too scared that someone would break in and kill me or something after Adam announcing he is the one I am working against and knowing the case would be the following day. Something that I would rather not have to deal with on top of everything.

I finish up in in my washroom, brushing my teeth and spraying my favourite cologne that always helps swoon people in making decisions, and head out. Small things like that really do help influence people's decisions, and you always want to do everything possible in order to gain a few extra points, especially if it is in front of a jury.

I'm anxious, but for wrong reasons then I usually would be. There's much more pressure than I would like, having not only my opponent working overtime to be apart of my downfall but now my client hates me.

The questions about my sexuality have heightened since yesterday, and I was already having thoughts about it. Being confused as to why he could make me feel a certain way when I have assumed to just be asexual at this point, not finding any real point in sex other than to relieve some loneliness and try to feel something for once. But Dream insisting I wasn't straight when he doesn't even know me has me further drowning myself in thinking I am not normal. I can't seem to workout what is wrong with me, and even if I was attracted to him it gives him no right to try and get into my pants like I'm some whore that would jump at any opportunity. I might be someone who is isolated but that doesn't make me want to sleep with anyone that gives me a chance. I defended myself with saying I'm straight and he made me feel like I'm delusional, when I have only ever been with girls.

And his lips on my neck have also not left my mind.

I hate not knowing everything. I am a very prideful person that doesn't like to be confused or out of the loop, but certain things about myself I cannot seem to control.

__

I arrive at the court house, not having blasted my music today since I am too anxious to even sing along to the songs. Sometimes when my anxiety gets the best of me, it is too much effort to speak, much rather sing. And I don't know how I will even be able to push my feeling aside and have to speak in front of numerous people, but I have done it before, and what helps me calm myself down is thinking to my first ever 'illegal' case.

I walk in and take a deep breath, trying to look on the outside as composed as possible, keeping my hands occupied with my brief case in one hand and papers in the other so I don't get the chance to shake them. I keep my head up, even though I want nothing more than to keep eye contact with the ground below me so I don't have to see anyone or have anyone come up to me. But I have got to pretend to be confident and fake it till I make it which has been working well for me up to date.