You vs. My Whole Life | Bang Chan

Phobia

"You're so goddamn whipped, man," Jisung laughed when we entered Stray Kids Headquarters and Chan announced that Sana was now part of Stray Kids, earning a glare from his leader. We had given all of them a small summary of the events that had happened when I got abducted from the roof and how we were going to fight NCT to try and free Sanas boyfriend.

"Jisung, Sana and I will come up with the plan, Minho and Jeongin, you too. Changbin and Felix, I need you guys to look out for our enemies. Report everything back to me." The mentioned boys nodded and took off in the same direction.

"It's her first actual dangerous mission, let us release some of the tension and at least try to make it fun," I could hear Jisung say while walking away. "Like code names! How about we stick with the whole Snow White theme and-" his excitement was cut short by an annoyed Minho who hit him on the back of his head to shut him up.

"Your ideas are so lame", he mumbled.

"Shut up, grumpy."

Chan continued to distribute roles. 

"Seungmin, I need you to work with Y/N double time. Get through anatomy as quick but thoroughly as possible. Visit the hospital to fill up on our medical resources." Seungmin nodded as if stealing from a hospital wasn't new for him. Let's be real - it definitely wasn't. "Oh and it would be good if you could use your free time to build some more of those bombs you showed me - just in case." 

Seungmins smile grew wide. "On it". 

"Hyunjin, please take Y/N with you to the shooting range whenever you can. Although she won't be carrying a gun on D-Day she still needs the experience." Did I just hear him correctly? He doesn't want to give me a gun when everything goes down? What am I supposed to do, ask them to spare me? Try to disarm them with words of encouragement? 

What the fuck.

"And I need you to talk to your sister." Hyunjins eyes rolled to the back of his head but he stayed quiet. "I broke the alliance but she might still be open to help us."

Once he left and we were alone I couldn't hold my tongue any longer.

"So you expect me to walk with a knife into a gun fight?" I stared at him in disbelief. "I thought you wanted to protect me!" 

"I am doing exactly that." He seemed just as frustrated by this conversation as I was and turned around signaling that our discussion ended. 

However, I wasn't done.

"How the hell is leaving me unarmed supposed to be protective?" I scoffed, annoyed at the entire situation and his responses. 

My words made him stop in his tracks and turn back around to face me in what seemed like slow motion. His eyes bore into mine relentlessly, the tone of his voice dark and serious.

"You think I'd make the dumb decision of handing you a loaded gun in a situation as stressful as a goddamn gang war, when you haven't even remotely completed your lessons with Seungmin about human anatomy nor Hyunjins shooting training?" He took a step closer to me and I gulped.

"Defy me all you want for it, but it won't change my answer. You want a reason? Here's one: you're simply not ready. You won't be able to forgive me if you accidentally killed someone and while I may find a way to live on with you hating me forever because of that, you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself either and I'm not going to let that happen." The words 'because I know what that feels like' silently hung in the air between us. He took another step towards me.

"You're good with your words and spontaneous ideas to surprise your opponent. Jisung taught you well and I've experienced it first hand when you kissed me out of pure spite to win the fight. I admire that about you. But what good would it be to hand that kind of girl a gun, that always does the unexpected, sometimes uncalled for and has enough power to fuck up the entire plan with nothing but determination to help." 

As much as I wanted to claim it wasn't true, he had a point. 

"And the most important reason of all you don't get to have a gun because you won't need one. I won't let you out of my sight for a single second and you'll stay behind me no matter what. I will be your shield, I will be your weapon, I will be your leader. Once the mission is over I will be your therapist, I will be your friend, I am whatever you need me to be." He now stood directly in front of me, his chest heaving in desperation and anger. 

I wrapped my arms around his torso and felt him tense up for a second in surprise then relax his muscles against my touch. His warm breath tickled me when he hugged me back.

"Thank you for saving Johnny." I whispered, my head hidden in his neck. 

"I'm not saving him." I raised my head and looked at him in confusion.

"This is your mission. You're saving Johnny." He gave me a small smile and shrugged, "I'm just trying to be a supportive boyfriend." A small kiss from his lips landed softly on my cheeks.

"Fuck, I'm truly whipped," he whispered to himself.