~ Dedicated to the following~
;Mrs. Swindle, thank you for the Scooby Doos!
;Christy McBride, an actual challenge of my faculties in a very sad mass of Highly mediocre faculty.
;Mrs. V; without whom I wouldn't still be writing.
I love you all. Thank you.~~~
It's rather hard to find a starting point for a story like this.
It's also rather hard to know where I should end? Should it end? It hasn't yet. Man, that's funny. Little do any of us know, it's only just the beginning.
~~
A quiet, chilling echo briefly touched the doorway and bounced through me my right ear so swiftly I swear I can still feel myself drifting with it out my other ear Nothing passed before the lunch bell loudly interrupted and brought me back.
Pause.
There's no way i can actually write my entire life in this constant dribble of mesmerizing and dark radiating towl such as like my imaginary teacher friend, Mr.S King, would I'm afraid. Not if I'd like to be finished before I inevitably grow bored from the block and thrash another days works head in with the dope smoke id already grown extremely friendish to.
No matter how many times I stop start write read erase rewrite reread and so on. You get the point.
Anyway, Whatever. Fuck you anxiety. Sean just tell the story. I actually do solemnly swear to tell as much of the truth as I can so help me God, amen.
Get used to that.
The praying, I mean. I do it alot. Well..
I guess you could say I'm sort of a magnet for those so called unfortunare events. However I do recall the origins to be particularly dreadful also.
Honestly, iva.Honestly
Okay no idea what that was, but I can't start out this early lying to you guys. I promised God didn't I?
You'll find, if you actually make it to the end of this one, that life's exactly what it's supposed to be, a war inside of every jew on the planet- every bloodborn Israelite.
I'll get back to this at some point. You promised to bear with me so close your eyes. lol. And imagine this : Today, this morning, as I'm writing this.?
Well, it's 5:57am. I've been up all night for the actual 100,000th time. It's hell if I'm being honest, but since I'm speaking honestly, in all honesty, it's obsessive and it's self inflicted. The tugging and pulling. (Lol Nikki)
The president of our country has cancer. Communists warlords barter and sleep with Nuclear Nazis who are being led by an inferior Adolph Hitler. Please don't get me started on today.
Or the world. Please. Back to my story. Oh yeah, damn.
quicker Introduction: Just an average guy from Mississippi. An Aries and every bit of my mama and my daddys temper, and honestly y'all can just call me Sean. ( Like -Shaaan- I guess? My mom will flip if you call me -Shawn- in front of her.
So you know, that's just like a full disclosure)
{I guess if I'm telling backstory, the key would be avoiding any loose ends dangled off in any unintentional me-made holes. YEAH, right. Haha. Cool, check it out
My mom's name is Etta James. Naw just kidding. Lol It's Etta Mae. Etta Mae Williams although the Williams was neither here nor there very long at a time no how.
Stop! This isn't going to work if you don't let me finish my story before you draw any opinions that might change the way you base the knob on you listeners. You know some people turn theirs down and then all of a sudden can't do two things at once anymore at 38 years old.
Play.
My Daddys name was Steven aka step dad with my mom from age 2 to 16. So in other words, my daddy. Lmao.
Okay. Speed up.
They got drunk a lot when I was a kid. I think maybe they loved each other once when I was really really young but time passed and raising the alternate for Malachi in Children of the Corn three freaking times obviously killed any and all the love there.
Growing up wasn't too bad because I was smart.
No you don't get it actually, I was extremely smart.
Some say I still am, but the worst times envelope all the other times and after awhile, I guess, seconds sadly wind down into contentment to eternal depressions.
Run of the mill public school.
Nobody's mommy or daddy's pockets actually stuck out far enough to be considered 'rich' so the 'just a little better off' kids obviously rallied together around middle school and tried reenacting a bad 90210 season or something every year until I finally graduated, honors the whole shebang. Could've been valedictorian too, if I'd tried a little more. Ha don't believe it? Just ask Christy.
No she got it because she earned it. Hard work pays off kids. Sorry for all the rambling by the way, turns out at 5:25 in the morning your thoughts tend to just wonder and wonder and wonder. No wonder I hardly sleep.
Pause again. Rewind. Stop okay play.
Around thirteen, alot of things happened that maybe probably do shape who i have become to even make myself remember these things in order to accurately tell these rememberings now.
A really good friend drowned. Messed up. Moving on.
Told mom I was gay. Bad idea. Condemned it and Told the world. Moving on.
Anyway you get the idea I hope. So a little after Jason was laid to rest, a buddy of mine told me I could crash in his nanas lazy boy one day as we were leaving from smoking a blunt at Jason's grave.
'Bet.'
That's probably exactly all I said too.
Anxiety had already started running the cerebral river of Sean backwards for months at this point.
Id do whatever if I even imagined a high was waiting for me at the end of the night.
And damn oh boy was it..
Two of em actually, cousin's that looked like they coulda been twins.
Let's call em Cokey and Kristina and let's just say Cece and I didn't ever really hit it off to well while her cousin Tina became my Ride or Die for the next ten-plus trips around the sun. All I have to say on that is God is gracious and God is a great teacher for the -slow-to-learn- stubborn ones because we were playing ourselves, in my opinion, unrealized perfections.
Trust a passed test and the experiences that gave those answers I missed for it won't be so long before today becomes just as missed.
It's funny you know.
You'd need a defibralator to unscramble most of the things I say. I would apologize for being erratic but jjçl as.sure as I'm probably up sunday fucking up making you breathed the dust I'm herehaunting revelation abstains back within from it's sentence of forever shadowing eternity, for maybe to help it uncontain and reveal itself without any anynonymity whatsoever in it's shadowy, glistening regrets
...
Sorry I fell asleep. Ha! I actually vq
