Sorry I fell asleep.
Where was I? Oh hell Ill probably never know honestly. But anyway. Wow. Damn it's 1:47pm.. Ugh. If I sleep another day away I will most likely waste away going incredibly insane.
No rain. Today.. hey something I just realized. Okay so I've been broke down automobilibly in the muddy but fairly safe yard of a very good to me dopedealer who I'll just call Jimmy. Not his name. OBVIOUSLY. LOL)
Stop. Back up Sean
. (j Sorry I fell asl
There it is. Okay you can go.((
:
Then again I Do not Know WHY I am apologizing fo.. nevermind. Back to what I was trying to say.
Jimmy has had big pieces of plywood under plastic nailed over the windows in his home. Hell he's been there twenty odd years, you know.
But I'm laying here and I tell y'all the time and look up and I can see the sunshine looking back for the first time in the better side of a month now. THANK YOU GOD for another day. Thank you for this peculiar life you've given me to. It's happened to be quite adventurous so far to say the Very Most absolute least. Thank you Jesus. Your will not mine Amen.
--
Ironically in the back of my mind, during this entire add-up of just writing it all down all the way ddown to 1:59pm, I, embarrassed, fly to unscramble something and get back to the story I was telling before I drifted.
Honestly I'm sorry, it's the nightmares.
Ever since God revealed Himself to me, the whole Spiritual situation in my life has become somehow-what'll be a bit of a tugging and pulling sorta situation.
In other words - The opposition is pressing in, and the nightmares delegate their own fears off in efforts viciously attacked by my all-too-loathed self wonderings.
Anyhow, like I said I would before, I did, in fact, waste another rotatial moon-lapping in almost snapping my weakly sick c-spine in my pandemoniously wreckened attempts to right a little fucking wrong living.
At the very least, thank you God, Father for it seems my latest sins always find me when it's actually enough silence throughout my own ill reckoning for me to dream.
Well enough of me for me to nightmare, as it were.
Oh yes, my story.
Forgive me, the last of my life's spans span decades'.
A harrowing duality settles into my bloods streams and I lay here in utterly, pured anaphylaxis as my thoughts settle soundly upon my last night's reality slipping further into remembering enough of me to congratulate this karma-avenging soul of mine for every moment of memory Ive yet to coalesce.
-Sigh-
Obnoxiously shrieking, the 5th period bell continued angrily as I stepped from my thoughts back into an faux of my new school. Truth be known, the smell of wet painted third and fourth coats did very little in masking the tornadoed tooth scars premonitioning lies uttered by the very same dailiance of these lockers deathly close to exhausting even more than creaking piteous gossip clashed into group projects of gossip and texted test cheatings.
Ha, I made A KILLING sliding a right answer here and there in those sections of study times I repeatedly woke up groggily to find found rumoring around my own situation in this sadly unobstructed hierarchy some idiots finalized in a cruelly misplaced kindred courtiered into being the moderns of an under-challenged tsun zui amidst a cackling popularity contest of champion hyenas pridefully cartoonized into the accepted standard of ruling society within the euphorial confines of what then almost calls itself, in hindsight, our public systems of education.
Almost a waste of time is you ask me. It never challenged me. I can recall one instructor scolding me for sleeping through her lesson everyday one week in her assumption that all mine indentured shootings at the single atom in my entire working to figure in sleeping with my fullish, emptying schedule of staying blazed out until the raptures awakened.
Her weakish slights at my embarrassment crowded that day's end in awed hush when I scored her test perfectly. The five plussed bonuses I wore proudly.
one of the rare moments I agree myself in my being a slightly higher intelligence than a cloned memorization of a could've been brainiac turned self examiner- in short- I guess I'm trying to state the enormity of bottled up truamas' that place left me dealing with inside a dead criticality known by the same name as my own. A little high strung dreamer strung out into collapsible ideas of who I am conciously declaring
Unaware of Jujuing emotioning waves to such headlessness of my wishes to withdraw myself as the universe's arrogantly prident ideation of a true overthought perfection.
Can you maybe see now why addiction called my name loudly without even the one single signal of hesitation my demons need to shut these words down on page before instance picks up that same insaned doubt credited with crippling every other creation that I can imagine coming down to actually, influently invention in one of these fucked off realities I inharbor.
10:28pm.
I hope you're still with me. I have a good chance of getting a lot to say before sunrise falls in on me to brilliantly capture God saying hello to my charitableness of offering my awakenings for a peacefully drugged drowsiness most would call an opiate addict. I dabbled.
Well,. I dipped realitically.
Shorted summary of what I think you know so far.?
I've got a few symptoms of stressful Indicators being lit up on the side of my probably being multiple diagnosises of several happily considered- haphazarding sideeffects in the severest of illnesses still being cautionarily inplemented into a well-shook mentality unabated.
~~~~
