Regrets | Norray

Chapter 2

"Thanks for getting them to leave me alone..." My voice trailed off into a yawn, which I covered with my hand.

"Of course. We're friends after all." Norman smiled from beside me.

I cringed at the word- "friends". It hurt, but that's indeed all we were. Friends. And it would never be anything else.

"Are you okay-?" Norman noticed my face.

I simply huffed out a large sigh and let my head fall on his shoulder, "Nope." I lost all energy to hide my discontent, "I wanna die." It was true, and I didn't even care when I said so so nonchalantly.

I've always wanted to die. It was supposed to end at Grace Field that day, years ago. After that, I had to protect my family- I had something to live for. But now they're all safe. There was no reason for me to stick around, and I wanted to leave. I got to see "something cool". I got to see Norman again. I got to see the human world. There was nothing left for me to do. Surely it would be okay to back out now?

"...what...?" Norman was taken aback by the blunt statement.

"I did my job. I protected everyone until they got to the human world. I stayed around this long. I never wanted to live, Norman. Now that there's no danger to you or Emma or the others, there's nothing else I want to do. I know you'll all be fine and safe. I'm done."

"Ray..." Norman's voice broke and turned into a whisper, "...no...We want you to stay. Why... why do you think that way? We're safe, but we won't be happy without you here with us."

I hummed in response, "I know. I'm not going to try to kill myself again- I promised Emma. But I'm just saying. And my birthday... I know it makes you all think of that day- maybe just in the back of your minds- but it's in the center of mine. So, can I get up and we just treat it like a normal day?"

There was a silence and Norman was still shocked at how plain my tone was, "Y-yeah... I'll... go tell everyone..."

I moved my head off his shoulder with a blank expression, and he slowly stood and left the room.

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Everyone agreed to treat it as a normal day, but they were still confused as to why. Norman hadn't said that much.

The family sat in silence at the large dining table.

Lannion suddenly piped up, "Why can't we celebrate your birthday?"

Norman dropped his fork in surprise and I shrugged. Emma watched me carefully. I looked over to her with a glare telling her to stop staring, to which she quickly abliged.

"C'mon, we got a cake!" Thoma yelled.

"Then eat it." I gave a somewhat confused look.

Lannion groaned, "It's not the same."

"Seriously, you're twelve now and STILL childish as hell." I snapped, "It doesn't matter. You can throw a party or whatever, just leave me out of it."

Everyone looked at me. I sent glares around the table telling them to go back to their buisness before solemnly returning to the plate of food in front of me.

The rest of breakfast was silent. When everyone finished, I stacked as many plates as I could on my arms (which was  eight) and headed to the kitchen. Norman and Emma grabbed some plates as well and went to help.

I insisted on doing the dishes myself, and having them leave the kitchen for me to do so. I also said to keep the others out as well.

"Okay?" Emma dragged Norman out.

It was then that I noticed the two were holding hands. When they thought I had turned the other way, I saw them kiss then leave.

All at once, my chest started burning and aching, my vision started blurring slightly, and I found it getting hard to breath. I tried to let the feeling run it's course, hoping it would end soon. I rolled my sleeves up to my elbows and grabbed a plate and a sponge.

I tried my best to breath and to ignore the scars and wounds on my arms that I put there myself. I only got through washing one plate before the pain in my chest hit me harder and nearly suffocated me in an instant.

I gasped and lost my grip on the dish. It slipped out of my hand and shattered loudly on the floor. Glass flew up and cut my hands, arms, and even cut my legs through my pants.

"Fuck-!" I put my arm against my head to try to ease the headache that now began to consume me. I heard footsteps approaching, "I got it!"

I saw a flash of white and orange before black. I lost consciousness.

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I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. Emma...

"I hate her," was all I could think as I bolted up in bed. I knew it wasn't her fault. Her and Norman loved eachother, and that was fine. It's FINE! Neither of them knew how I felt about Norman, and that was fine. I clenched my fists. It fucking HURTS!! I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I buried my face in my hands before noticing the bandaids littering my palms. And, of course, bandages around my arms. Shit.

"Ray, you're awake! What happened? Are you okay?" Emma rushed in and over to my side.

"I broke a fucking plate, that's what." I grumbled to myself, trying not to get angry at Emma for something she didn't do, "Would you mind leaving the room for just a second?"

"O-oh, sure." She left and closed the door.

I inhaled and let out the loudest, most infuriated scream that could surely be heard throughout the house- probably the neighborhood- but I didn't care. I screamed for about a minute and then again and again.

After what felt like forever, I calmly opened the door to see Emma and Norman standing awkwardly.

"I'm good. I'm gonna go wash dishes now."

"We did them already." Norman said.

"Of fucking course you did," I gave him an annoyed look before casually sliding back into the infirmary and collapsing beside the bed on the floor. I actually meant to land on the bed. Guess it's sleep deprivation. I hit my head, which hurt, but I didn't complain. I'm too used to pain.

"Ray..." Norman kneeled down beside me, "We need to talk."

I sighed, "What about?" but I knew fully well.

"Your arms..."

I groaned and sat up, "I cut myself, what's there to talk about?"

"How can you just say that? How can you act like this is normal...?" Norman winced, "This isn't normal, Ray. You shouldn't be doing this to yourself."

Emma was leaning against the doorway. She understood I had a better connection with Norman, and that he was calmer and better for situations like this.

Just then, for no reason I could put my finger on, I smiled. It was a smile that someone made when they were about to laugh the kind of laugh with happy tears, yet no laughter followed, "I don't care."

A tear slipped down my face and I left out a "pfft" sound. Then came the awaited laughter. I didn't care. I really, truly didn't care! It was amazing!

"AHAHAHAHAHA!!" I doubled over, tears beginning to stream as my mouth twitched, my body not knowing what to do with all the strong emotions flowing all of the sudden. I gasped for air between large bursts of laughter.

Norman and Emma were staring at me with confused and scared looks.

"I DON'T CARE!!" I yelled through laughter.

Suddenly, I started full-on sobbing, all right in front of Norman. I collapsed and he grabbed my shoulders, pulling me into a hug.

"It's okay," he rubbed my head, "You're okay."

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A/N: Good lawd, I put "I buried my hands in my face," before I realized that was definitely not what I meant to put and was immediately horrified.

Is it just me or do you all sometimes laugh until you cry and then just CRY-?