Regrets | Norray

Chapter 3

(TW: vomiting)

Emma herself started crying a little as she watched me fall apart in front of their eyes. Norman gave her a look that said she could come over and she immediately did and hugged me as well.

"It hurts too much..." I cried into Norman's chest, "I just want it to stop hurting-"

Norman and Emma exchanged looks but said nothing as Norman continue to rub my head.

It was getting kinda uncomfortable, but I didn't dare move.  I wouldn't end this for the world.

"We should go assure the others you're okay." Norman spoke.

"Yeah..." I leaned up off him and Emma got up.

Emma seemed easier, but Norman gave me concerned looks throughout the day.

"Hey, Ray...?" Norman put his hand on mine under the table. He whispered, trying not to make it obvious they were talking, "You didn't really say why you..." His voice trailed off.

I whispered in return without looking directly at him, "I did. That's how it stops hurting."

"Ray..." Norman took a deep shaky breath, "I want you to tell me when you feel the urge to do this. It's not healthy. I want you to come to me instead, okay?" He turned to me with eyes full of tears and rubbed his thumb over my hand.

I tried not to blush while looking at him and just slowly nodded.

"Promise me." He brought his face closer to mine.

I gazed into his eyes for a minute, wondering why he cared so much. It's wasn't like I was Emma.

"Promise me!" He said with more force.

"O-okay..." I hesitated, "I promise."

Norman sighed in relief and squeezed my hand, "Thank you."

I then pulled my hand away and turned my head. No, of course I didn't mean it. I could never give up the ONLY coping method that has ever done anything for me to go see my crush every time, which might literally crush me. I just wanted to give him peace of mind.

"Hey, Emma!" Norman smiled as Emma sat in the chair beside him.

"Hi!" She smiled back before Norman and Emma's lips met.

I quickly averted my eyes. It was gross, and it hurt me, and I just wanted to stab myself to death right then. I held my breath in hopes that the tears building up in my eyes would go back into my tear ducts. I managed to- partially- but a lonesome tear fell from my eye, which I very quickly and discreetly wiped away.

Everyone else gasped at the sight. In realization, Norman and Emma pulled away from eachother, red-faced.

Gilda squealed, "You're dating?!"

"Well-" Emma started before being interrupted by people chanting "KISS, KISS, KISS!"

I looked back over only to see them kissing again. Suddenly, I jumped up from my seat, ran to the kitchen sink, and literally threw up.

Emma rushed over to check on me, followed- like a fracking DOG- by Norman. I just couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand them together. I couldn't stand them kissing. I couldn't stand seeing their smiles around eachother. I just couldn't STAND IT!!

I rubbed my hand through my hair, pulling it momentarily out of my eyes and said I was good before doubling over again. Most of it was liquid, since I hadn't been eating much. In fact, most of it was stomach acid.

When it was finally over, I just wiped my mouth and washed out the sink with soap. My throat burned, but I didn't care enough to do anything about it.

"Are you okay?" Emma asked, putting a hand on my shoulder in concern.

My eyes were bloodshot and my face was pale. I looked like I was on drugs, "I'm fine..." I shook off Emma's hand.

"Is our PDA really that disgusting?" Norman chuckled.

"Yeah," I simply replied.

Norman chuckled again, "C'mon, let's go eat."

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I felt bad the rest of the day while I was washing dishes. Why wouldn't Norman just love me? It wasn't that he was straight or anything. Emma. It's stupid fucking EMMA. She's poison. She makes him lose all self control and all stability. Emma needs to go. If Emma just-

"Ray!" I looked up to see Norman giving me a terrified countenance, staring down at my hands.

I looked where he was looking to see my hands and arms were red and a lot of steam was rising from water hitting my skin. Wincing in sudden realization, I jerked away from the faucet. Norman quickly turned off the hot water and turned on the cold, gently putting my arms under the now frigid stream.

"How did you not notice that-?!" Norman asked, his voice laced with panic.

"I don't know-!" I took on the same tone.

Norman sighed and hugged me, his head resting on my shoulder. I blushed and tried not to show it. He backed away after a minute then had another look of panic, "Did you stick your face under the faucet too?!"

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I sighed, collapsing face-first into my bed and then rolling over. Emma had already went to bed, so Norman came to... I don't really know.

"Do you want me to tuck you in?" Norman smiled, making me cringe. Fuck, Emma rubbed off on him. He didn't even smile right anymore. It was really annoying.

"Yeah, I think I'm good." I glared.

Norman frowned as I closed my eyes.

"Why...?"

I kept my eyes closed, "I'm a big boy, Norman."

"No, I mean why do give me that look so much? You're really hostile anymore. To Emma, to me, to the others. Does it have anything to do with-?" His hand lightly grazed my arm and I jerked away.

"No." I rolled onto my side facing away from him.

"Okay... Well, goodnight, Ray." Norman smiled sadly and started out the door.

"Night. Love you." I replied without even thinking.

Norman smiled, "Love you too." And left.

I really wish he meant it as more than friendship, but I knew he didn't. I cried myself to sleep that night.

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A/N: Has anyone thrown up stomach acid before? I have, and it was fracking horrible. I didn't eat for one day- ONE- and then I went to Walmart with my mom, felt like a pile of shit, and then we were leaving and I threw up yellow stomach acid on the sidewalk thing. Eat at least once a day, kids.

Also, wow, their faucet changed temperatures really fast, huh?

And I'm clarifying that Ray loves Norman and meant it in a romantic way, whereas Norman meant it as a friendly love.

I may or may not have made this A/N as long as possible just so I would have so many words and not have to write as much. Depression engulfs me and distinguishes my will to write, marring my energy and diminishing my motivation.