I'll Kill You.

"better to you"

      As soon as it was safe for Dazai to go home, he didn't; instead, he went straight to Y/n's without saying anything. He wanted to surprise her was what he was telling himself, but deep down, he knew he was conflicted. Dazai would ask to come over, but he was scared that Y/n would lash out on him again and it would make him feel worse, which was the last thing he wanted. 

     Dazai usually wasn't a man with many things he wanted to do, other than commit suicide, but he wanted to make it up to Y/n. The more time he spent with her, the more he realized what he did was wrong and understood her anger with him. Obviously, he wouldn't blame her for not forgiving him, but he so desperately wanted her to forgive him and he found himself standing on her doorstep. 

    He gently knocked on the door and to his surprise, Y/n opened the door and looked up at him. For a moment, he thought she was gonna say something, but she stayed speechless for a few moments. This gave Dazai enough time to enter the apartment without Y/n saying anything. "Can I sit down?" he asked. Y/n nodded as he sat down on the couch. He took note of her late night outfit that consisted of some shorts and a gray hoodie. 

    "Dazai, why are you here?" Y/n asked him, her voice calm instead of angry. She was tired, but willing to hear him out. "The way I treated you in the past, and the I've treated you know...it was wrong, I was wrong Y/n" he apologized. Y/n's eyebrows raised for a second and she tried her hardest to contain herself. The person who caused most of her pain had finally apologized to her. It was too good to be true. 

    "Who asked you to apologize?" Y/n snapped out of it. "No one asked me to do anything Y/n" Dazai replied. She eyed him for a few moments. "I don't think you understand how much you've hurt me Dazai" Y/n said. "I know I've done some things, and I'll never understand your pain, but I want to be better to you" Dazai was practically begging at this point. A part of Y/n wanted to give in, but it couldn't be that easy. 

     "Almost my entire arm has chemical burns, and these are permanent scars. Not only were they painful, but I have to cover them up four years later. You ruined me" Y/n explained to him. Dazai wondered how someone so perfect can be ruined. "Y/n, don't say that about yourself" he told her. "Don't tell me what to do!" she got irritated. She took a deep breath in and then she continued. "You gave me this, don't tell me how I should feel" Y/n pointed to her right arm. 

   Dazai got up from the couch and walked over to Y/n. He stood in front of her and looked directly in her eyes. The eye contact was tense, but they didn't break it. As he was still looking into Y/n's eyes, Dazai pulled her closer to him and rolled up her sleeve. "What are you doing?" Y/n tried to break away and pull the sleeve down. It was too late: Dazai had already seen the scars. To him, they were beautiful. The light pink ran down to her wrist and scar made some lines that were wavy and had stems to them. 

    "Not many people have survived being attacked by me Y/n" Dazai said. She stopped trying to break away and looked him in the eyes again. "You're a remarkable woman" Dazai said to her. "Bullshit" Y/n replied. "You always think you're inferior" Dazai said to her. "Compared to you and half the people at the Armed Detective Agency I am" Y/n said. "That's not true" Dazai remained calm. 

   "Prove it then" Y/n replied quick. "I knew you were getting hired before any one else knew. The president was going to send Kunikida to give you your exam, but I volunteered instead" Dazai explained. "Why?" she was confused. "Isn't that obvious? Even if you didn't use your gift, you could've hurt or even killed him" Dazai said. "What about Yosano?" Y/n asked. "Same thing" Dazai said. 

     "You've always been a strong opponent and now ally. When I was in the mafia, they called you the blade demon because everyone knew how capable you were and no one dared to fight you unless they knew they had a chance" Dazai said. "I can't tell if you're lying or not" Y/n said. "This isn't a time for me to lie" he said. 

    Y/n looked up at the ceiling and collected herself. "You know, I promised to kill you after what you had did to me, yet I saved you and carried you on my back all the way to the Armed Detective Agency and now I question whether or not I wanna go through with that promise" she explained. "I guess I have that effect on people" Dazai replied with a slight shrug. "I still have very strong government connections, Dazai Osamu and I haven't fully decided on what I'm going to do" Y/n had a deadpanned expression on her face. "Okay I'm sorry!" Dazai apologized and backed away. 

   "You came here so we can kiss and make up?" Y/n asked. Dazai's eyes lit up and he tilted his head slightly. "I came here to apologize, but I like the way you word things" he came closer again and his finger went under Y/n's chin making her look up to him. "You're hard to hate sometimes" Y/n admitted. "I know" Dazai said before putting his hand on her cheek and pulling Y/n into a kiss. 

     Y/n held onto the back of Dazai's neck and her lips stayed on his for a few moments. She could hardly process why she would kiss the same man she wanted to kill not even five minutes ago. Screw it, feelings are complicated,  Y/n thought to herself and enjoyed the moment.