Too Far (A Dan Howell Fanfiction)

9- Goodnight.

I was laying on a sofa. I don't remember sitting here. I don't remember leaving the hospital. I don't know where I am. No one was in the room with me. I sat up and moved the hair out of my face. It looked like it was late. I looked over to a bookshelf beside me and saw a picture of Dan and a dog. Was I in their apartment? I don't remember coming here. I sat up and straightened out my clothes. I then stood up and went to the door. I remembered the hall. To my right was the kitchen and their bedrooms. All the doors were closed. The only light was coming from the lounge where I was in. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and read the time. 01:38. Why wasn't I tired? I decided it would be best if I knocked on one of their doors and asked what had happened since...Ella. I had just remembered the last things that I saw. Ella having some sort of spasm or heart attack or who knows what. I went down the hall and walked past the kitchen when the glass door opened, startling me very much.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I put my hand over my heart. It was Phil.

"Oh. Oh my god, sorry." He looked like he had just gotten out of bed. I calmed myself down and realized the situation.

"Were..." I paused. "Were you sitting in the dark?" I asked. The kitchen door was clear, so you could see from the outside if the lights were on or off.

"No. Well I was. But I was eating. In... the dark." He confessed. "I would have came to the lounge but I didn't want to wake you."

"I was sleeping?" I asked.

"Yes. Why? Do you not remember napping?" He asked. I stood there and looked at the ground, thinking hard. I couldn't remember, no matter what.

"No." I finally spoke.

"Do you remember coming home?" He sounded concerned. I was concerned as well. I just shook my head.

"Ok. Um. Go in the lounge and I'll get Dan really quick."

"O-ok." I stuttered. I went back to the lounge and waited for the two to come in. I felt like I was at a meeting for school. I just really wanted to know what happened. Did I black out?

They both walked in and pulled up chairs for the dining table, sitting across the sofa. Dan spoke first.

"So. Erm." Dan didn't know what to say. "You. You don't remember coming here after the hospital?" I just shook my head slowly.

"What happened?"

"I think you backed out." Phil explained. "The doctor said you were having an anxiety attack and we should take you home. You just kept agreeing with us and then said you wanted to nap as soon as we got inside."

"Really? I don't even remember. I just remember Ella surrounded by doctors. I don't remember you two coming to get me. "

"Well." Dan now started talking. "We saw them take Ella out of the room and you looked like you were going to faint. We tried to help you stand up and you were kind of fighting back."

"Oh my god. I think I remember that. Yea. But that's it."

"Well that's all that really happened. Are you alright? Do you need anything to eat?"

I stared at the floor before speaking, choosing my next words. "No. But. Umm. Do you know if Ella's ok. Have you heard anything?"

"No. They said at the same time."

"Oh." I paused. "You know, she told me she didn't think she was going to make it. She said that she hadn't been taking her medication. I don't know what to do." I felt like crying but I wasn't going to.

"All you can do is stay positive." Phil suggested.

"I just. I love her so much. She's like family." Dan and Phil both stood up and then sat next to me. I leaned into Dan and they rocked my back and forth like at the hospital yesterday. I felt like I was going to cry. I didn't want to. Dan and Phil had only known me for what? 4 days? I felt like I dragged them into something they didn't want to be apart of. Which made me feel selfish for needing their help, making me want to cry some more. But I hid my face in my hair and bit my lip, hard, containing myself. I took deep breaths and tried to calm down, but I was aware of how shaky I was being. I wanted to be home in bed, alone where I couldn't bother anyone. I at least wanted to make it less awkward for Dan and Phil who seemed to be hugging me for too long.