Summer Jam (gxg)

19. Secret

The week goes by in a blur. Everyday I get texts from mom and Rachel, and every day mom gets a single word as a reply to let them know I am alive. I can't deal with this.

Sarah comes in and out of the room for her lectures, and I quickly gained a new routine around hers. Wake up with Sarah, steal Sarah's shirt, grab coffee, sleep until Sarah comes back, shower, then sleep in Sarah's arms. I briefly let her know about the texts and the plans I canceled on Rachie without notice, but I can't yet talk about my mom. My head spins whenever I try to open my mouth, and Sarah seems to understand.

***

I hear the door open, and I poke my head out of the bed covers. I am all comfortable in Sarah's shirt, smiling for the first time today. My girl is back.

Before I can make sense of what's happening, someone jumps on the bed and grabs me in a bear hug. Rachel.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" she screams.

Too loud. Not my girl. Is she crying?

"You never answered your phone and I didn't know where you were and I was so worried and then your mom told me you texted her and I hurried here and I..."

I think I broke Rachie again. Finally managing to get free from the hug, I tap twice on Rachie's shoulder so she'll stop talking. She sits next to me on the bed, and I hide my face on her shoulder so she won't see I am crying too.

"Sorry", I say. I steady my hands by hanging on to her's.

"I didn't know what to do and I just sort of ended up here." The words get stuck in my throat. "Mom... she found out about Sarah and it didn't quite go well."

For the first time since I met her, Rachie stays quiet for a few minutes. She points her finger at me, digging her freshly painted nail in my shoulder. "Next time at least shoot me a text... didn't we agree that if anything happened you would walk to my place?"

I nod, and I lay my head back on her shoulder.

The door opens a bit harsher than usual, and my whole body tenses up again.

"Rachel. Will you get out for a second?"

Rachie quickly makes her way out. Sarah sits on the bed where Rachie was, and I can't help but to look at the door on the other side of which she must be waiting.

"Why did you kick her out?" I ask.

Sarah frowns. "You do realize that these are close to being the first words you say to me since you got here?"

I grab my sleeves in the palms of my hands, looking down to them.

"You come here and you expect me to understand and let you stay. Yet you don't talk until she gets here? To her you can open up, so why didn't you just show up to her house in the first place? Am I really just your second choice?"

"Sarah..." I trail.

She waits for me to talk, to add more to it, but I know she is right. She lets out a breath, and all I can wish for is to escape to Rachie and get a comforting hug.

When Sarah finally gets up to open the door, Rachel is gone. Maybe she overheard, maybe she felt her presence wasn't wanted in this room. Either way, she left me behind and I never felt so alone.

Sarah turns back to me, and I think this is the first time I have ever seen her cry. She looks at me for a minute before she finally can speak: "Besides, it's not like I could have stayed your little secret forever. I... I am sorry, I think I need some air."

The door closes softly behind her, and the guilt presses down on my chest. I feel sick.

♡♡♡
I don't know anymore if you guys will want to punch Jamie, hug her or scream at her after this chapter, or even if anyone is still reading given how long this took me to update lol.

Jamie is finally breaking out of her shell, and despite me being the writer who technically controls what she does, I am proud of her for it. The end is nearing, and I can't wait to share it here!

Thank you for reading! ♡