We're The Ones Who Live | The Walking Dead (2)

Part 22 - Silence the Whispers

The flashbacks and sleepless nights came and went. Some days were better than others. CJ could go an entire day and only have small episodes of panic. She was exhausting herself by overworking, taking over people's watch shifts, throwing herself into her leadership duties with Gabriel. But even when she was busy, nothing seemed to distract her enough from the memories plaguing her mind. And those were what she considered 'good days'.

Then, there was the really bad days. Headaches and nausea would come and go whenever an image or a voice flashed through her mind, and it was impossible to predict when it could be triggered or when it was coming. Most nights, she would wake up suddenly, sweating and struggling to breathe. On a lot of nights, she would just get up as quietly as she could and go and sit out on the porch until the sun came up.

There were a lot of times when Daryl would wake up when she did, and despite his protests and questions, she would always assure him she was fine and tell him to go back to sleep. He usually had a look in his eye like he didn't believe her, but she always insisted that there was nothing. She had kept up her decision of not telling him about her episodes of panic. And she still never told him about punching the wall a couple of weeks ago. 

With everything going on around Alexandria, along with Alpha being out there, the loss of the hunting grounds, and Carol struggling, Daryl didn't need the extra worry. If they happened to be together and she felt one starting, she would quickly mutter a reason to go, and hide out somewhere until it passed. It meant they didn't spend much time together alone. CJ was unintentionally avoiding him, and Daryl was too busy trying to keep an eye on Carol.

It wasn't all bad days though. They would have some watch shifts together, or Daryl would be helping with the work repairing the gate after the herd attacks after the satellite fire. When they found little windows of time, they could spend time with Michonne and the kids, have meals and just hang out together like a family. Things could be normal for a minute, but minutes don't last long.

One morning, Michonne had taken a group out to the Hilltop along with Judith after receiving a radio call that part of their wall had come down. They weren't sure if it was natural causes or the Whisperers, but they needed help to fix it regardless. With several people away, the people that were left had to be more prepared for any kind of sudden attack. If the Hilltop wall was in fact Alpha's doing, Alexandria was at risk of being hit next.

CJ walked up the porch steps of her home, pulling the tie out of her hair and running her hand through it, causing the waves to bounce over her shoulders. She had walked RJ over to the mess hall for the reading and math classes he had with some of the other kids in the mornings.

She went straight through the hall to the kitchen, where she paused in the doorway when she spotted Carol sitting at the breakfast bar.

"Carol," she called, a little surprised to see the woman. "Hey."

"Uh, hey," Carol glanced over her shoulder.

Since having to face Alpha at the border a couple of weeks back, Carol had pretty much been in her room the whole time. Daryl would take meals up to her, only to find the untouched tray by her door the next morning. CJ had tried talking to her, but never got a response. But she missed her friend, and she didn't want to accept that Carol had just dropped everyone.

"How are you feeling?" CJ asked. "Haven't seen you in a few days."

"Just been tired," Carol shrugged as she stood up.

"Daryl missed you at dinner last night," CJ mentioned. Michonne had come around with Judith and RJ, and they had all eaten together. They were all happy and had a good night, including Daryl. But CJ didn't miss the way he kept looking at the empty chair where Carol should have been. "And every other night, for that matter."