PERIPHERY | NH |

THIRTY NINE

Niall

Numb.

That's how everything feels.

Nothing seems to penetrate the veil of sadness that I've hidden myself behind.

Nothing.

I can still see the hurt behind Hunter's eyes as I stood in front of her. The hazel color that has felt like home for so many months suddenly lost all of the familiarity of the warmth I craved. That I longed for.

It felt like I could go anywhere... Just not home.

To Hunter — the only place I wanted to be.

Whether the sun is shining or the moon is rising, I know she's the only person I want to spend my life with.

The only one I want to wake up to.

It's the only thing I can think about as I climb into the car waiting for me at this tiny airfield, the smell of whiskey on my breath reminding me of the drinks I consumed during my flight. It seems like the only thing that can ward away the only thoughts that don't make me feel numb.

Reminders of Hunter in my arms.

Reminders of the way her laugh lit every single part of me on fire.

Reminders of what it felt like to love someone and receive that back ten fold.

Reminders of how I ruined the only good thing I've ever had.

So... Yeah.

I drank.

I easily rattle off the address I know by heart, blowing out a breath and looking through the raindrops that fall down the window as the car moves forward. Streetlights cast shadows across the car, my gaze focused on the way they catch the gold of my signet ring as my fingers mindlessly twist it back and forth.

A week ago I stood in front of the only woman I've ever truly loved, the woman that broke my fucking heart, and I fired her. I told her that she violated the Non Disclosure Agreement that she signed almost a year ago.

Was it right? No.

Was it necessary? Yes.

Hunter did the right thing when she said it was over between us, she truly did.

Neither of us were in the right place mentally to carry on a healthy relationship with each other. Both of us were broken and torn apart in ways that we couldn't fix for each other.

As much as we want to be there and hold each other up, there isn't a way to do that when you can't come from a healthy place of your own. Pouring out of an empty cup doesn't benefit anyone — if anything it creates a tension that only builds up until it can't be contained anymore. Once that explodes, there's no way to go back and fix the errors you may have created.

Hunter was worried about me.

I was worried about Hunter.

We were so fucking worried about each other neither one of us took the time to worry about ourselves.

Seeing someone take Hunter's career, one she's worked tirelessly towards, and make it seem like the only reason she has the accomplishments that she has because she slept her way to the top was infuriating.

She tried to hold her head high everywhere we went and the accusations flew in her direction, but I saw the way she started to curl into herself every night. The way she pulled away from me. From everything.

Hunter didn't have any projects lined up after my tour, a decision she told me about because she was excited to take a break... Something she hasn't done for herself in years.