Phoenix [endhawks]

chapter one

One would think that coming home after being away at war would be something grand, with a spectacular welcome party with kisses and hugs from loved ones and friends. Memories of triumph and stories would be shared, and people would cry with happiness because their soldier was finally home. For Enji, coming home was nothing like that. The day that the heroes had finally exhaled a shaky sigh of relief and declared themselves victorious, Enji had gone home to an empty, dark, and dusty house, took a shower, then hit the bed and slept for what seemed to be days. Then, his life continued like it always had. There was no praise, no parade, and no hugs from those he loved. They all refused to see him. Especially after how the final battle had turned out.

            Actually, life wasn't entirely the same. He was divorced now. The one thing he did come home to was half-signed divorce papers on his kitchen table, waiting for his own signature. He had signed them of course, then mailed them to his now ex-wife. He would be lying if he said it hadn't stung at least a little bit, though he wasn't sure why, because he hadn't been in love with Rei for years. He had decided not to analyze his feelings on the issue. She had every right to leave him and not take consideration for his feelings. This was a long time coming.

            Enji's life also wasn't the same for another reason. He had retired. The day after he woke up, he strolled into his agency and declared he was no longer a pro-hero, and shut the place down. It had seemed so unlike him, to just retire and be done with it, decades of work gone to waste, but it made perfect sense to him. The public no longer favored him, and he now had a missing limb, which would make it difficult to perform to the standard he had before. And most importantly, he just didn't have the same fire in him anymore. The thought of going to work, going on a patrol, beating up a villain, none of it seemed appealing. Being an ambition-filled hero destroyed his family and his life; it deserved to be left in his dark and muddled past.

            That morning, needing to do something to get out of the house, Enji decided to go grocery shopping. He was running low on food in the house. Now, he had a cart sitting next to him while he stared at an aisle of vegetables and fruits, entirely unsure of what to buy. He didn't think he'd ever cooked a proper meal a day in his life. Fuyumi and Rei had always been the ones to do it, but they weren't there anymore. The colors and shine of the groceries taunted him, reminding him of how helpless and worthless he was now. Look at me, they said, remember how you've never had to take care of yourself? Remember how you've never lived alone, how you've always had a family to return to, no matter how broken it was? Remember how much of a worthless nobody you are now?

            He scowled and pushed the cart along, with one metal hand that always gripped things too tightly, and decided to try and find the frozen dinner aisle instead. Perhaps that aisle won't remind him of everything he hates about his life and himself. He came across it quickly enough, shelves of plastic wrapped, processed junk staring back at him now. This time, all they told him was their names and flavors. He sighed and grabbed a few packages whose pictures looked the most appealing, and thew them to the bottom of the cart. He grabbed the handles, then moved along again.

            Around him, families with their children and men with their wives picked out their groceries for the week, chatting and laughing. A young girl and her mother walked beside him, talking about something funny that had happened at school earlier. Had he ever done that with his daughter? Had he ever asked her how school had gone, taken her grocery shopping, laughed and played with her? He didn't think he ever did. Calling him a father would be a disgrace to fathers everywhere. He was a sperm donor. Rei was the one who raised the kids, and he was the one who had trained them against their will. No, he abused them. He made their lives hell and left them with unspeakable trauma. Fathers don't do that.