Couldn't Help Ourselves/(SynGates Fanfic)

47

As they sat there on the couch, she grabbed his arm, wrapped it around her shoulders and laid her head on his shoulder so he laid his head against hers as he rubbed his thumb in a circular motion on her knee. 

Cuddling and kissing was the only they've really done since she was attacked. And it was starting to scare Nikita, thinking he thought different of her since he hadn't even tried to be intimate with her. She thought he looked at her differently and didn't want to touch her that way since she was violated by another guy. But of course that's not why he hadn't been that way towards her. 

She closed her eyes tightly as that all crossed her mind and knew she needed to have that talk with him, and as much as she hated it, she wouldn't want to continue the relationship if he did think the way she was thinking he did about her that way.

"Brian?"

"Hmm?" He hums out.

And she tried to ask if he hadn't tried to be intimate with her because she was raped but all that came out of her mouth when she opened it was "I'm sorry." So she just sighed.

As soon as he heard that, he lifted his head to look at her, not understanding why she was saying sorry but she couldn't look at him, cause she was scared to see his facial reaction so she just left her head on his shoulder.

"For what?" He finally got out.

"For not listening to you and my dad about going to that meeting. For allowing myself to be put in a position to be raped and I know you probably don't look at me the same because you haven't even tried anything. I mean hell this is even the longest I think we've went without doing anything since we've known each other." She had to close her eyes tightly again so that no tears would fall like they threatened to do this time.

"What? Baby, no. Look at me." He grabbed her chin and made her look at him before she could do or say anything, "You really think that's why I haven't tried anything? I haven't tried anything because I wasn't even sure if you even wanted to since he did that to you . And yes, I do look at you differently but not in a bad way, I have more respect for you actually. I look at you and I see a strong beautiful woman who overcame something that no woman deserves to happen to them."

"Really?" She sniffled some.

"Really, baby, I promise I don't think anything bad about you and that's why I haven't touched you sexually because trust me I've wanted to." He winked "I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable and possibly have flashbacks or whatever of that jackass forcing you the way he did." He grabbed one of her braids and ran his fingers down it. "Plus, with you ending up in the hospital because of your birth control messing up, and making you feel sick, I wasn't sure if it was even safe."

"Oh." She scoffed with a smile, "At least I know now." And she was mentally kicking herself for even letting that cross her mind.

And she did feel better hearing him say that stuff because the last thing she wanted was to lose him since he had became her rock through all of this. That if it weren't for him being by her side, being her support, she didn't know how she'd handle everything. 

She removed her legs from his lap and before he said or did anything, she moved and began straddling him as she cupped the lower parts of the side of his head.

"But I'm better, I mean with that incident it made me feel horrible at first but it doesn't anymore, especially with you by my side, you've helped me by keeping me distracted for the most part. And on the birth control thing, I'm on a different kind. Earlier after I got off the phone with you, I went over to the Clinic and they were able to get me in to get a new one." She slid her hands down his upper body and let them rest on his stomach.