Kim Rok Soo! Headcanons

HeadCanon #1

What if the reason KRS!Cale is so dense, like:

'But I am trash?'
(is saving children and being a therapist/emotional support human)

Is because, like, this is his personality, his real personality. But he got bullied until this got stuck into his brain. Ingrained almost, like he was told over and over again that he was trash, that he truly thinks that his personality now is trash. He was known as a trashy bastard, so he just thought he really was trash.

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"Haah," Kim Rok Soo groaned. He winced at the pain that was making it difficult to breathe.

"Haah," he swallowed.

'Ugh, why does it hurt so bad this time? Will I be able to go back to Uncle's house at this rate? Uncle's is gonna scold my ears off, then kill me. Will I survive this time?'

Kim Rok Soo struggled as he tried to sit up, hissing at the pain.

He looked at the groceries which was scattered everywhere.

"Can't it stop once?" he wondered aloud.

He knew that he deserved it, but he could hope, right? He was cursed. No-one ever wanted to be near him, and he was glad about that. Even if he was lonely from time to time, they didn't deserve his curse. They didn't ask for him to be born, or for him to be evil. It wasn't their fault. That's why everyone stays away and whispers about him. He didn't even know he was cursed until they told him.

'I'm the one who killed my family, grandma, cousins, m-my parents. They can't come and save me anymore.'

He swallowed, keeping his tears away.

He can't cry, he's the one who killed them, who ruined his uncle's life. He's the reason why his uncle can't find a job, why his uncle drinks so much. His uncle had nothing to do with it, he never wanted him. Kim Rok Soo knew that. His uncle lost a bet, that's why he took in Kim Rok Soo. His uncle was nice once, he had a wife and children, uncle said so. He used to give him presents, cook and have money. He could smile - laugh, even - with no guilt or suffering, but not anymore. It was all Kim Rok Soo's fault, he knew that. He deserves the punishments, he was selfish for wanting to stop the punishments. Kim Rok Soo knuckled his eyes, refusing for his tears to come out. He doesn't deserve to cry.

He slowly got to his feet, worried if he lost any of the food. He could barely afford food with the money he makes, it would be bad if he lost any. Uncle can't make money, no-one hires him. Not even when uncle looked less red-faced and smelt nicer. He came home really angry those days. He stopped dressing up and started going with a wine bottle in hand.

It's Kim Rok Soo's responsibility to earn money, he has to pay for his meals and for his uncle taking care of him. He's glad that his employer gives him lots, he could afford the bread that uncle likes. He know that his employer is kind, she lets him work even though he's 8-years-old. He's glad he gets to work, but that doesn't mean he wants to. He wants to live without working and sleep on a bed, maybe without being in pain. But he'll have to work for it, so he's truly grateful if not a bit jealous. At least he learns how to cook and clean, maybe his uncle would like that. He smiled. Thinking about his fantasy-like slacker life eased the pain.

Kim Rok Soo was filled with anxiety seeing how the bread got stomped on. He was slightly relieved that one half wasn't stomped on at all, and although his mouth watered, he knew he should give it to his uncle. He picked it up, slightly groaning at the bruise on his side, and started running back home. He hugged the bread to make it warmer. He doesn't know how long he was lying on the ground for but uncle was probably looking for him. He had to hurry home to appease his temper. He saw how everyone noticed him, the whisperings and the stares.