It had been two days since the violent attack that Luke had put me through, the alarm on my bedside table awoke me from my unsettled sleep. I slowly turned over to face the irritating noise produced and reached out, fumbling momentarily with it in my hand before discovering the correct button, placing my thumb hard at its center so the racket it was producing would cease. My body ached, i had become amune to the pain that my body endured during a beating, infact the sensation was now so familure to me, i had developed a mechanism to total block out every thing. I would curl up in a fetal position, hands covering ears and mouth clamped shut...he would only hit harder if i screamed, a lesson that was difficult to learn. Some times i would hum a soothing tune, music had always been an eacapism for me. The steady beat of the music gave me a focus point, helping my mind to drift away from the suffering and wrapping it in a cocoon of safety. Until i fell into darkness. The agony flared up a few days after, unfortunately it was Monday morning! I arched my back in an attempt to sit up, but as i did so a bullet of pain shot down my spine causing my to fall back onto my plump pillows. Forming a plan in my head of how best to complete this simple task, i swiveled my hips, begging my vocal cords not to cave in to the uncomfortable feeling, to fight the scream that desperately wanted to pass my lips. This was a success, now standing upright i traveled to the mirror to see the damage on my face. I had been lucky this time, only a small cut remained on my cheek that could be easily disguised with makeup. But i dreaded the return of the summer months, the lack of clothing made it hard to disguise the numerous scars and dark marking that riddled my body. The comfort of winter clothes gave me a sense of protection, padding my body with its pleasant and warm material. Its sensitive cover almost felt maternal, nursing and guarding my broken body. Running later due to my daydream a quickly got ready, closing my eyes as i did, not wanting to see the state of my body. I grabbed my bag, adjusting it slightly on my shoulder so it it was putting as little pressure as possible on the fist shape bruise that was imprinted there. I walked out the door...Luke wasn't at school today, i could be with my friends...with music!
I was scared, i had arranged to go to Luke's tonight as i made the decision that i would leave him, i was going to tell him i knew he was a cheat and leave, it sounded simple. However, the reality of my decision would not go in such an easy and calm manner, if i really did manage to fulfill my desire Luke would either beat me as usual or worp my head with his twisted words and lies, trying to mold my thoughts into the thinking it was possible for him to change. He was a monster, unable to be saved! No amount of repenting or begging could redeem his actions. I knew that the road ahead was hard and that Luke would find away to ruin me, but for the moment i decided to enjoy the day with my friends, after all it may be the last chance i get...
My jurney to school was pleasant, knowing that Luke would not be breathing down my neck, watching me every moment and finding reason to hurt me, placed a sense of freedom in my step, as i began to study every element on my way, appreciating how much better things where without him. A mother grasped her sons hand, both of them filled with love and happiness, emotions that had been absent in my life for the past year. The group of birds nested in the large oak tree that was bare, its leafs a patchwork of colour complemented the sparkling dew filled grass. The world looked like artwork, even the dreary looking school had a different aura today. Students gossiping among one another, their laughter developed the wet cold morning, uplifting every ones spirits. A smile plasted my face as i walked up to my group of friends, hitting Larry's bag making him turn round in supprise. "morning sum" he egaly called to me, hugging me close. I savered the moment, taking in the sweet sweet sent that i had grown to love yet miss due to mine and Luke's relationship, the thought caused a sense of sadness to touch my heart strings. I had been neglecting my friends, but they where still all here , wanting for me to be ready to return to who i once was, i hoped they didn't have to wait much longer!
Unfortunately, the day past pretty fast l. All the exams where over and in all my lessons we where not doing very much, mainly me and the lads talked randomly and it was good to catch up, i had missed so many important events in my absence of who i really was and desperately hoped that it would soon change. I couldn't wait to get to double music after break, although i was trying to forget about Luke for just a few hour's, his haunting moments continually flowed to the forefront of my mind, causing me to rethink, i was unable to eat dinner again. Although the boy's made a commotion, trying to get me to eat i made an excuse like usual. Dinner ended, i waited impatiently outside the music block with Larry, Jake and Tom. Unable to keep still, i was eager to return to my first love of music. Luke had despised my singing, origanly through side and derogatory comments at me every time i did so, taking it to the point of smashing my priceless guitar. It was one given to me by my grandfather many years ago, who always encoraged me with my music. Although it only cost him 6 and 1/2 pence during the end of world war two, to me it was worth more then any thing that money could buy. I was sat strumming softly, humming quietly to the vibrations of the strings as i did. Luke came in the living room, grasping my guitar in his ruff hands, he launched it at the corner of the room, narrowly missing the tv set positioned a few millimeters away. The neck of the guitar broke instantly, just like my heart...unrepairable. I hadn't sang since then. The teacher unlocked the door after my over excited dance that made a small group laugh, i rushed in the class willing every one to settle quickly for Mr.Hall to register us all so we could get on to practicing. After an eternal 10 minutes we where dismissed and the four of us piled into the stock room to play our piece. Jack messes with the amp of his guitar for a little while as anticipation buzzed around my belly. When we where all fully prepared the begging bars to our song where tapped out by Larry on drums, adding slowly was Tom on base and finally the electric guitar melody from Jack. I counted the beats in my head, knowing my place to start singing on the 5th bar...but i couldn't, i river of abusive moments that Luke had said over the years formed in my mind, constricting my voice making it unable to produce a note. The more i tried, the harder it became to forget the hurt. The boy's music began to slow as they all looked at me expectantly. I began to panic, willing my self to performe, but it was impossible. The torment had finally effected a major aspect of my life. Distraught, i fled the building as tears threatened to make them self visible and stain my face like the rain that fell on the windows. I ran to the bathroom, locking myself in a cubicle and falling on the seat of a lavatory. Tears now flooded my being, drowning me in a salty liquid of sadness. He had stripped me of my confidence, i was the lowest i had ever been. A shadow of my formed self. There was no other option, it was do or die...literally. I could be strong, leave Luke and attempt to reconstrut the old me. Or stay, hoping one day he would stop or his torture would be too much, evacuating me from life. I could not let him win, he was not worthy of that satisfaction. I remained on the toilet till the end of school, slipping silently out before Larry and the boys could bomb me with questions i didn't have the answer too. I recomposed my self, entering my home before making my way to Luke's.
It was going to be an eventful night...
*/* i know that not much happens in this chapter, but the next one will be more eventful, i promice! Hope you like it anyway. The song for this chapter is be my escape by relient K. I think it fits well with this chapter and the way summer feels, thank you all again for reading! *\*
