𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝚒 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚞 | 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚐

𝟷) 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚢?

"hanji, when you get a boyfriend, promise me he'll treat you well okay?" jisung's mom said while she lay in the hospital bed. her voice was horse and dry, she wasn't looking too well.

"mom, you know what dad said, no boys. only girls date boys. boys date girls," jisung put his hand out to reach his mom's, her hand was icy cold. tears ran down his cheeks, this was the last time he would see his mother.

he looked at the heart monitor, which was seemingly going too slow for his liking. it was dark outside the window, he had to rush to the hospital in the middle of the night when he got the phone call. he asked his father if he wanted to come but he got nothing but screams.

"jisung, my lovely boy, don't let that man tell you who to love. I know I couldn't fight in person but I'll strangle him from the grave," the lady with dark brown hair said, her smile on display for all to see, even though jisung was the only other one in the room.

it's hard to see someone you love die, but this is more than just someone jisung loves, this is his protector. whos going to take all the hits when he's alone in the house? whos going to help him with his chemistry homework, or make him ramen at three in the morning when he has panic attacks?

unfortunately, her beautiful smile will fade and the heart monitor will stop. jisung was upset, he wish he could of at least brought her flowers. maybe yellow roses? or azaleas? his mom's favorite color was always yellow. which makes sense, she was his sunshine.

even though jisung was an accident, (says his father), his mother never made him feel that way. he was a blessing to his mom, a gift sent from the angels she said herself. jisung couldn't help but smile, the woman that gave him life treated him with all the love she had.

so who cares that she made him hide in the closet while her 'friends' came over? at least she always got Mcdonalds' for her son afterward. when little jisung came home off the bus and would see a new bruise on his mom's cheek, it didn't matter because whatever had happened, she made him turn the other way and find beauty in his dim life.

when jisung stepped on the sidewalk in front of the hospital, it was four am. all he had was an envelope with five hundred dollars in it, all his mom's life savings. the envelope also had some letters in there that his mom wrote for him to open at rough times, especially during panic attacks.

han doesn't want to go home, but he has no friends to go to. he doesn't have a special place like a park or an abandoned backyard to hang out in. so he just wanders. he's thirsty, he remembers his mom's favorite drink. jisung doesn't have super fond memories to look back on like others do. the peach iced tea he and his mom made was straight from the powder, mixed with water, and put into a plastic pitcher from the dollar store. it wasn't cool or anything but little jisung loved watching his mom mix it up. that's memories for him.

another memory he has is of when his dad would smoke cigarettes. if anything that's the only thing he has in common with his dad, that they smoke cigs, well that and his last name. but the smoking memory isn't good, all he remembers is the arguing his parents would do about them. his mother struggled with asthma and respiratory problems and begged her husband if he could smoke outside or even next to the window, but he never agreed,

"i pay bills in this house, which means i can smoke when and where i want to,"

jisung remembers his dad's words while he walks into the corner store, he walks to the back to grab two beers. when he gets to the register he asks for a pack of newports and a new lighter. his lighters tend to go by quickly with the way he smokes weed also and misuse it for self-harming actions. he paid with the money his mother gave him and left, walking back towards the hospital and sitting at the curb.

he watched late-night doctors and hospital staff walk by, he also heard the ambulance sirens coming in and out. jisung can already feel that this curb is going to be his new escape spot, it's the closest he'll get to his mom since this was the last place they were together.

so he sits there, he drinks, he smokes, and he cries. just a normal thursday for him. he knows he has school in three hours but he can't find a fuck to give. jisung isn't even bad at school, if anything he excels at it. that all he has is his grades, a scholarship is the only way to get out of this nightmare he's living in, and his family didn't have enough to send him to college.

his dad wants him to pursue accounting because he can bring in money, but jisung doesn't want to sit in a cubical his whole life. what he really wants is to study music and arts or even literature. he loves being creative and doing things that he can feel free doing. but his father shut him down with that idea a while ago, saying things like 'you'll fail' or he's 'not good enough'.

jisung remembers that his mother used to sing to him. sing him to sleep when he was a little squishy baby, sing to him softly during his panic attacks, or even wake him up in the morning to go to school.

he's on his second cig when he looks across the street. there's a boy there by himself. their eyes meet for a split second and jisung can see tears running down the other's face. he's never seen this gut before, he definitely doesn't go to jisung's high school so maybe he's in college.

jisung looks at his foot and sees his second beer. he doesn't usually talk to people, but if this guy is sitting here at the hospital at now four in the morning crying, maybe he needs a beer too. so he looks both ways before he crosses the street and walks over to the guy. when he's close enough he sees the boy's beautiful but teary eyes. he hands him the beer and asks him, "you need some company?"

the boy smiles and wipes his tears. he accepts the beer and takes out his keys and flips the cap of the bottle open.

"so what's your case?" jisung asks, sitting down next to the man and taking a sip of his beer.

"my friend just died from a drug overdose. you?" the boy said.

"mom died, covid. she had respiratory problems so it took her out quickly,"

"i'm sorry for your lost,"

"i'm sorry for yours too..." jisung wanted to know the others name.

"minho, my name is minho. and you are,"

"jisung," he said, "my name is jisung"

__________

(wc; 1.2k)

-i'm back to break your hearts again
-peace and love