𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝚒 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚞 | 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚐

𝟹) 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚞𝚕𝚝

"where were you?" jisung just stepped into the house he called home and automatically recognized the patronizing voice.

his father was sitting on the couch, beer in his hand and television on. it's about five in the morning, jisung didn't even know he was going to be up at this time. he doesn't see his father's face, since he's sitting in his favorite couch recliner that's right in front of the broken television that had digital lines on it that were different colors due to something being thrown at it.

jisung remembers how that got there, he was only twelve at the time.

he didn't need to see his father's face to know he was already drunk. he heard the roughness in the man's voice. he walked further into the house going to the edge of the steps, not wanting to get into it with his father right now, remembering that even though he just met a new face, the face he saw since he was born was no longer here, and he doesn't even have a father or family to grieve his mother with.

"I asked where were you, don't ignore me, boy," his father said gruffly under his breath as jisung could just smell the beer that lingered on his tongue when he spoke.

jisung turned around and looked at the old man, absolutely a wreck and doesn't even know how this man still goes to work sometimes, he doesn't belive that his friends think he was such a family man, that he loves his kids and works hard for them.

yeah, his kids.

he didn't want to talk to his father at all, he didn't even want to call this sinful man his father, "mom died,"

that's all he said, that's all he could say. right now he was feeling the wave after the shock, after the denial. when he was talking to minho it didn't really sink into him did it? his mother is gone, forever. he will never see his mother again.

so now instead of crying about it, instead of sadness, all it was now was rage. all he wanted to do was scream and yell at his father. if anything he wishes his father was in the morgue more than his mom. and he needs to be real with himself, jisung mom did not die from covid.

that was what jisung said to himself in his head, that's what he drowned himself out with.

she was sick, physically, and there was nothing he could do to help...

she was ill

physically

it was covid

wasn't it...?

right...?

"HAN JISUNG!" all jisung felt was a crash of glass hitting his face, he didn't even notice his dad screaming at him, getting closer to him by the second. but now he could feel the pain in his head, the glass colliding with his soft skin, the blood drip from the gash in his head.

and all jisung could think was how it was his fault,

sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry

"I told you not to go see that woman! I forbade it!" a punch right in the face, his father could hit hard. jisung was never someone to fight back, not against bullies or his father.

tears were like waterfalls from the boor boys eyes, he held his right cheek, he knew he needed to retreat to his room and lock the door but this time he wasn't thinking straight, he was so angry, he was distressed.

jisung got up from the floor and pushed his father back, "It was your fault she died! all your fault! you killed mom! you killed my mom! I hate you, I hate you, I hate-" he felt another punch to his face, he fell to the floor. he couldn't even feel the kicks to the stomach his father was giving him.

"shut the fuck up kid before the neighbors hear you, I don't have that time for that bullshit today. you know what happened, your mother was sick! I wished you would have died with her!" his father was such a miserable man, but jisung still felt a tad bit of pity for him.

but all jisung could remember was the color of the tub water...

red

the muffled screams from under the water...

so loud

the marks on her neck...

they were still there even days after in the hospital

the knife...

the sound of it hitting the ground.

that's all jisung was thinking of when everything went black.

____

can someone explain to me how last names and first names work for Koreans? is han his last name or first, please let me know I get so confused.