Tennis Instructor (A.K.)

Chapter 27: I'm Here

     For the first time in a while, Awsten called his mom first. He had been meaning to talk to her, and as his mind grew too hectic for him to be even slightly productive, he caved. There was no one who would be more honest and wise on the subject anyway.

"Hey Mom," Awsten sighed as he stared at the ceiling of his office.

     "Hey, Aws, what's up?" She knew he wasn't just calling to check in, that was her job.

     "I need help with Owen," he admitted as he rubbed a frustrated hand over his face.

      "Did something happen?" She asked with concern. As far as she knew, Owen was a great girl and was making Awsten truly happy. His changed mood was very clear, so the idea of her son losing that source of joy pained her.

     "Sort of, I mean neither of us did anything," he explained. "I just- I think I love her, Mom."

     "Awsten I thought something serious had happened," she scoffed.

"Mom," he groaned, knowing she would skim over it at first. "I'm freaking the fuck out!"

"Why?" She asked simply, making Awsten's frustrations increase.

"Because? I can't just say it."

"Yes you can," she dismissed. "How easily do your father and I say it throughout the day?"

"That's different."

"It didn't start any different," she pointed out. "You have to say it a first time for it to become an easy thing."

"But if she doesn't love me I'm going to look like such an idiot," he frowned, and his mother could hear the conflicted tone clearly.

"Worst case scenario is she's not there yet, okay?" She said, framing the situation. "From what I've heard Owen is a mature girl who really cares about you. She's not going to get scared and leave over you being on a different page, babe."

"If a girl came at me confessing her love and I didn't feel the same, I'd want nothing to do with her."

"What if that girl was Owen?" She argued, knowing her son was imagining his random hook-ups and not the actual situation. "Imagine the girl you were dating a couple months ago. If she had said she loved you and you hadn't felt emotions that intense, that version of yourself would have ended things?"

Awsten stepped back for a second and considered his thought processes when he had kissed Owen the first time. He felt intensely for her, even at that point, but his mother was correct in saying 'love' hadn't crossed his mind. It was too soon for a word like that in his eyes, and he was too caught up in the moment to think something absurd like 'yeah but I don't love her.' Because things were still going great, and he just wanted to experience things with Owen. That's all he wanted, was to be with her and watch something bloom. Love lost its meaning if it didn't take time to develop.

If Owen had said she loved him that night he would have smiled and felt warm inside, but probably wouldn't have lied to her either. He would tell her that he appreciated it, and cared for her deeply, but hadn't experienced a maturing of his emotions on that level. Though, he wouldn't have kicked her to the side; he would have told her that he could see himself getting to that point in the future.

Awsten could accept Owen saying something like that to him, but his ideal world was one in which she felt the same. His mom was right about her not being the type to be disgusted by him moving too fast, especially considering she was always so good at communicating with her boyfriend.