Imperfect Fit

Chapter 25-Cracks Become Chasms

JOANNA

The casket lowers into the ground and the finality that my abuelita is truly gone, hits me like a ton of bricks slamming into my body; it becomes excruciating to breathe. But I focus on my mom who's not able to stop crying for more than a few minutes at a time before another wave of tears comes.

Our family has come together to be there for one another over the last several days and others whose lives have been touched by abuelita's kindness and generosity came to express their condolences.

Out of a sense of duty, I numbly walk around my mom's home during the wake, offering guests something to eat or drink.

"Joanna." I turn toward the familiar voice.

"Here let me take that." Mark reaches for the tray of food in my hands, but I shake my head.

"It's fine." A small smile pulls at my lips, but it doesn't stay. "Thank you for coming."

"I'm sorry for your loss," he says with empathy. "Don't worry about anything at work. Everything is being handled."

"Thanks, but I plan on being back to work on Monday." I nod at a couple who briefly say hello in passing, taking a few of the food samples on the tray.

"You're allowed to take more time than the standard bereavement, Joanna. And you never take time off as it is."

I take a deep breath in and exhale as I look around and then I see Sage and Obie walking in the front door. My heart warms and flutters seeing him. He leans down to say something into Obie's ear and he nods.

Goose and Maverick amble their way to them and wait to be petted by both of them. Sage straightens, looking around and then his eyes meet mine. His gaze shifts to Mark and I remember he's there.

"Thanks for the reminder, Mark," I tell him politely. "I need to work, it helps to keep busy. At least for me. But I appreciate all you've done the last couple of days while I've been out and thank you again for coming. I really appreciate it."

"Let me know if you need anything." He leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek before he walks away.

Looking back at Sage I start making my way towards him and Obie, when Manny stands in my way and pulls me into a hug. I shift the tray quickly to not drop the food.

"JoJo, how are you holding up?"

My eyes are on Sage as I push against Manny. "I'm doing as good as I can be. Thanks."

"Do you need anything?"

"Yes, I need my boyfriend. Here." I hand him the tray. He fumbles trying to keep it from falling as I walk away. Obie gives me a sad smile before he wraps his arms around me.

I kiss his head . "Thanks for coming, Obie."

"Anything for you, JoJo." He gives me a smile similar to his dad's and I cup his face. "Can I go check on Diego?" He asks about one of my younger cousins his age who he's befriended.

"Of course." I watch him head towards the kitchen where some of the other kids are huddled together and I turn back to Sage, walking into his arms.

"How are you doing?" He leans away enough to hold my face, his eyes scanning over the dark shadows under my eyes, no doubt .

"Better now." I pull him in closer again, breathing him in.

Things have been a little tense between us, but we've talked every day and spent as much time together as we can while I've been busy helping my mom with the funeral arrangements and spending time with her, making sure she keeps her daily routine going.