Murder Is Scary But Band Members Are Scarier

Taco Bell

My slow ass finally entered the Taco Bell and the first thing I noticed was Ronnie Radke standing on a table and rapping about being an asshole while holding a burrito in the air. Jake was staring at the floor, Hannah was talking to the members of The Relapse Symphony, Derek was actually eating a burrito, and Oliver, Jacky and Ryan were missing. I hoped to the nonexistent lord that they weren't having a threesome.

I was going to just go back to my car and cry when Robb said my name. I looked over at him and it appeared that he was laughing at me again.

"Gonna get some food, buddy?"

"Nah, I don't really like Taco Bell." At that moment, Ronnie stopped rapping and jumped down from the table.

"WHAT?! What do you mean you don't like Taco Bell?"

"I... just don't like it..." Ronnie turned to no one in particular.

"This old man just insulted my Taco Bell. Old people are so rude, man."

Derek spoke from his small table in the corner. "Ronnie, you were much better while on drugs. Just saying." Ronnie just shook his head and went to order more food.

I joined Robb, Hannah, and the rest of The Relapse Symphony at their table. They were talking about a bunch of bands that I had never heard of and probably wouldn't like. I zoned out as usual, then someone mentioned Guns N Roses and I commented that I liked them, then zoned out again.

I snapped out of my daydream because Ronnie started yelling.

"Yo, Derek! Go get Jacky and Ryan. They at Walmart."

"Why can't you go get them? Clearly they asked you." Ronnie glared at him.

"Ronnie fucking Radke ain't gotta do shit for no one. Go get them." Derek rolled his eyes and grabbed the keys for what I assumed was the tour bus, then left.

Jake started poking me and chanting, "Dad, Dad, Dad."

"What do you want?"

"Can you buy me a burrito?" I pulled $5 from my wallet and held it out to him. He stared at it.

"Well, take the money. You can get your own burrito."

"But I'm scared." I rolled my eyes and got up to get the damn burrito, tripping over the chair on the way. Everyone laughed at me, of course.

I ordered the burrito and stood by the counter to wait for it. Derek came back in, dragging Oliver and some random guy by their shirts.

"These were making out in my tour bus," he told me, then went back outside again.

"It ain't your tour bus, it's mine," Ronnie said to Derek even though he had left. "And I thought the only cooties I had to worry about were Jacky's and Ryan's, but now I gotta worry about these fools's cooties too! I'll have to make Derek disinfect again." I looked over at Robb who had a look on his face that said "this guy is so fucking stupid."