Take me to Nirvana {Sam Smith}

I know

(Week later after the concert)

We were in a church (cathredral), everything was dimmed. The only light source was the candles on the alter, the glow of the candles reminded me of Calebs smile, which I'll never see again.
Nathan sat next to me (on my left) and Sam on the other (right). We sat in the first row as seas of people filled the others. I didn't want to remember Caleb like this, not at all.
The priest finished his words, I looked up with tears in my eyes as I glanced at a family photo of us that was taken years back.
Sam kissed my cheek and nodded at Jimmy, jimmy walked with me as I lit a candle and proceeded to walk to the mic. He took his spot on the piano and played the perfect chords.
"To my dearest Caleb, we miss you.
Yes I do, I believe that one day I will be, where I was, right there, right next to you."
I stopped right there, I couldn't contain my emotions much longer. I ran off the altar and to outside.
Sam followed so did Nathan, but then they stopped. They knew they had to let me go, I had to be free for once.

******************
I sat at a vacant bar alone drinking my sorrows away with Jack Daniels. Shot after shot I felt a bit more relieved, a little tipsy but relieved.
Life was hard back then, our parents could give two craps about my brothers and I, we were basically on our own. We seemed 'happy' but we were miserable on the inside.
My mum pushed me around a lot, you may be thinking 'Maybe she was drunk or on drugs.'. Well that wasn't the case, my mum was completely sober, she was even against alcohol in the household. So no explanation for the brutal abuse.
I looked down at my palm, I saw the scar that I had when I last saw my family as a whole.
She tried to beat me but this time I fought back, she had a pocket knife in her hand and to what she told the patrol she 'accidentally' cut me.
I downed another shot, the flashback became weary, another shot went down, it burned my throat but I loved it.
I was a little tipsy but I had managed to escape the bar. It was dark outside, I extended my hand out and felt water drop on my palm. Then it came down harder, I pulled my coat tighter around my cold body and began to walk towards my flat.
I heard footsteps following mine so I turned relieved to see Nathan following me.
"You're not so much of a James Bond you know.."
"Oh piss off mate."
He said while scooping me under his umbrella.
"Wheres Sam?"
"Ahh he stayed with Jimmy and the uncontrollable crying relatives."
"You mean mums side of the family?"
"Yeah, pretty much." he said shrugging his shoulders.
We walked in silence for a bit, I guess Nathan knew that I was a bit distant lately.
"So, what was that about?"
"What was what about?"
"The whole bailing the stage thing."
"Oh, well its tough. I mean being there for the person you loved and cared for thats now dead because of you is just real-"
"His death wasn't your fault."
"Whatever. Its just a burden that I cant fucking get rid of."
"I know, I know."
Those were the last words that were said that night, I know.