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#19

   Snow was in mom's lap being patted and pampered as I replied to texts from Ed and Chloe. Mom and dad were also in the clothes they wore to church earlier this morning. Dad shed his suit jacket, leaving his dress shirt and pants and mom was in one of the gowns she designed. They both looked happy, I could not remember the last time we went to church as a family.

   Dad grew up in a family where Christian values was taken very seriously, going to Mass, reading the bible and praying, although, he prayed at home, during meals and in the mornings when he woke up, he was too busy for anything else, so was mom, she prayed during meals and was too busy for anything else.

   Whenever we spent time at my grandparents house, we all went to church and prayed together regularly. During school breaks when only Leo and I went, we even had to do bible study.

    Going to church today was fun and refreshing, I enjoyed singing hymns and listening to the Reverend preach, the whole trip to Napa was refreshing, I made up with Pierre, had an amazing time bonding with my cousins. Diego even let me hold him at church, I felt happier, not great but I'm good.

   It felt like I was going back home as a new person, it all started with the fight I had with mom about Leo, I still feel like I'm to blame for him OD-ing  but I also feel like instead of moping around I could actually try to make up for not being there for him by making our parents happy and trying my best to live like he would have wanted me to. I hope the positivity I'm trying to embrace only makes everything better.

  "Lola ?" My mom called.

"Yeah?"

"I was asking if you'd like to stop for ice cream."

  I looked out the window at the ice cream truck parked under a tree and smiled but I didn't want ice cream, I just wanted to get home and go visit Ed, I told Mom I didn't want ice cream and she stared at me like I had two heads, I couldn't blame her because who refused ice cream? I don't want to have to worry about the extra fat that an ice cream would make me have to burn.

    We passed large stretch of lands and vineyards, they were beautiful and lush, the rain had done well to the farms around, making them glow a healthy green. This was the charm of Napa, the wineries and the lush greeneries to see.
 
  Dad was too busy driving to say anything. After about two hours– because of the traffic– we made it back to SF. He took the road that lead through highway 101, giving me the pleasure of seeing the Golden gate bridge, I busied myself with staring at the bridge as he drove past, although I've lived in San Francisco for three years now, I've never visited the bridge, I've only passed through on my way somewhere. I looked away and stared at the large 'South San Fransisco, The Industrial City' sign on the hill, and it felt welcoming to me for the first time since moving to San Francisco.

    When we got home, I jumped out of the car and ran up to the house with Snow at my heel. I didn't even knock or ring the doorbell before the door opened up and I saw her. Her hair looks whiter than the last time I saw it, Leo said the white hair made her look like an angel, her brown eyes held all the warmth in the world just like her wide smile, she had her arms stretched out and I wrapped my own arms around her, soaking in the warmth and smell of garlic and spices.

  "Beatie!" I screamed as I hugged her rocking us from side to side like a child. Making her laugh and her chest vibrate.

  "Lola, you're squeezing me now," Beatrice replied her voice still carrying the laughter.

  "Lola, don't let Beatrice fall," mom said.

    I stepped back grinning from ear to ear on seeing Beatrice, her leave was just a few weeks long but it felt like a whole year, it felt like I haven't seen her in months. The rest did her good, she looked tan and glowed healthy. Somehow Beatrice reminded me of Leo everytime, the silly and happy things about him that made me smile and not too long after smiling or chuckling at the memory, I fought tears back because I remembered he couldn't do or say those things again because he was gone.