She looked at his back.
Ling Lan looked across from her to see her reflections in the floor to ceiling windows. She was done here and she knew it. Her development had gone bye faster than she expected and there was no reason for her to stick around here.
But that also meant that she had no choice but to face the one matter she had thrown in the back of her mind.
Her brothers.
When she heads back to the empire she has to let them know the truth.
She could always disregard her reputation within the entire universe, but not them. The way they perceived her mattered a lot to her. Being branded as a liar or as untrustworthy was not something she wanted to consider.
Despite her lies, would they stay with her? Or would they feel betrayed by her lies over the past twenty years of friendship?
Just the thought of their rejection made her chest tighten up in a knot. A single look of distrust from any of them could make her heart ache with pain.
She didn't want them to leave her, but what could she do?
She had already chosen to let them decide on their own if they would stay with her or leave. She had no right to influence their decision or even try to persuade them a little bit. If anything she would do her best to make it up to them. She would do her best to win back their trust.
But what if they didn't want to give her a chance?
Li Lanfeng took it well. He seems to have found it quite easy to accept her. But what about the others.
This was twenty years of friendship but also twenty years of a lie.
She trusted that they loved her enough not to leave her. Yet the anxiety of it all kept chipping at the back of her neck.
Li Lanfeng shivered ever so slightly before turning around.
Something about Ling Lan wasn't right.
"Ling Lan?"
She felt the dip in the sofa but had yet to react.
He sat beside her patiently and didn't say a word.
"What do you think they'll say?"
"They may get mad," A comforting smile was all he had to offer. He could care less about them. In fact he would be even happier if he was the only one she could rely on. But they weighed a lot in Ling Lan's heart. So he had to care, "but they'll come around."
"How are you so sure?"
"Because they followed you for life."
"But it's been two decades. Two decades of lies."
"It is a lot isn't it?"
"Yet you..."
"You've always been first choice." His face became serious, "Ling Lan, you've been the best thing to happen to me. I choose to believe in you and stand by you for the rest of my life. You may be able to throw me away but I can't do the same. I won't even let you do it." His pretty eyes clouded over for a second before clearing up, "And I doubt they're any better than me."
There was another thing she liked about him. He stayed with her. He always chose her at the end of the day. He was too good to her sometimes.
But that also made it hard for her not to want to keep him to herself. Some times she wondered if she told him to, would he forget about the woman he loved.
It was probably the one thing he would refuse.
But she still had the impulse to ask.
"If I remember correctly, you're in love with someone." Li Lanfeng froze at the sudden remark. This matter had become a pain in his side as of recently. Whenever the topic came up, although she didn't say anything, he could feel the slight shift around Ling Lan. In a way that it seems as if he said something much to her displeasure. And the next moment she would quickly leave his side.
'Does she know?' His heart wrenched.
He didn't like Ling Lan leaving his side.
"What if I asked you to stop?"
"..."
"What if told you not to love them anymore."
"No." His answer was immediate and firm, almost threatening with how empty he sounded. "I can do anything but that."
The air froze.
This time there was no confusion about whether she liked this answer or not.
'Was she really pretending?"
"Your a very loyal man, Leopard." Ling Lan's presence started to dissipate very quickly. I'm made him anxious.
"Ling Lan!?" he had already reached out from the sofa to grabbed her hand. If only Ling Lan didn't move away.
His outstretched hand met empty air.
He could only gaze at the woman who refused to let him touch her.
Slowly he retracted an achingly empty hand into his chest.
"...I'm sorry, I can't..."
"I won't force you into anything. So, there is nothing to be sorry for."
"Then don't leave!" Desperation permeated his everything. What could he do? Ling Lan didn't look at him with disgust, but the feeling of distance was even worse...
Ling Lan's back went stiff.
"Is it that wrong?"
"No." Ling Lan hesitated in her words. She knew she was wrong. Absolutely wrong. Yet she didn't know how to console him.
At this point this was no different than making him choose between his love and her.
Lonely. Lonely and unwilling. Her leopard couldn't hold in the grief of feeling abandoned by her. Her heart fell to the pits of her stomach.
She absolutely didn't want this. Li Lanfeng felt his body be enveloped in a warm hug that made his heart tremble.
"I was wrong. I didn't mean to, I just-...sigh" Ling Lan didn't know what to say or do. She could only hug him and try give him some reassurance that she wouldn't do what he thought. Li Lanfeng gripped onto Ling Lan's back and buried his face in her shoulder. There was a hollow ache in his chest that made him want to weep and cry out loud. Moisture seeped into Ling Lan's shirt. Just that feeling alone made her feel even worse for trying to make him choose.
"Ling Lan." His arms tightened around her waist, "Please, don't leave me." It was no better than killing him.
He hugged Ling Lan as he sat quietly in between her legs.
"Why can't I love you?"
...
Unfinished
A/n: Don't ask why I can't give Li Lanfeng a painless confession. Don't ask why I never gave this an answer. It just didn't happen. 🤦♀️
