Immunity

Sofia

I think we could do it if we tried

If only to say you're mine

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"I don't wanna be your friend." I corner Sofia in her car. She was kind enough to drive me when the rain started to pour.

"Jeez, don't you think that's the kind of thing that you could just text about?" She responds like we have been talking every day and I appreciate it. It's not a fighting tone, it actually feels welcoming instead.

"I'm a lesbian." it comes out rushed and my eyes are closed, too scared of her reaction "And I also think I'm in love with you, so what I mean is that I want to be more than friends." I'm trembling all over and when Sofia starts parking I feel the urge to fill the silence. "It's the first time I'm saying any of that out loud and I know it shouldn't feel like a crime but it still does a little and I'm sorry for that but it's getting better it just needs some time and..." I go quiet when she grabs my hands.

"I'm sorry Iris." she looks like she is about to cry. I've never seen her cry before. "I shouldn't have said any of the things I did, pressured you. You don't own me or anyone else explanations. But I'm glad you found yourself."

I pull her in, her forehead against mine and I'm crying too "You didn't answer to the last part..."

Sofia kisses me and I think the world is finally in place again.

"I think I'm in love with you too. Since that first day in 8th grade."

"I'm just not ready to make a big deal out of it yet, the coming out and everything that comes with it is just..."

"You don't have to, ever, it's at your own pace..."

"I know... I just want to be me with you for now. And for that" I create some distance between us so I can look into her eyes" Are you free tonight? Like, for an actual date, give us a try."

"There's no where else I would rather be."

When she starts driving again, I resist the urge to tell her how beautiful she looks with her hair down, amongst a thousand other things. I have time for that over dinner.

I'm aware of the things that can get in the way. But the rope is loose now and I can start to take my head from it. I don't want that feeling to fade away. I don't want her to fade away. This time I will hold on to it.

Sofia reaches for my hand over the dashboard. Her fingers caress my forearm, the wounds she helped close. The scars will stay. But I know she will be there to kiss them.

---

Sofia, know that you and I

Shouldn't feel like a crime