Immunity

Impossible (Sofia)

How are you feeling? How are you doing?

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"You just might be the hardest person ever to reach." Iris laughs and shakes her head as I point my spoon at her. It's strange to talk after all these years. There is so much I want to ask but it's probably too much too soon.

"How did you even find me?"

"Well after you didn't give me your number, thanks for that by the way, I asked pretty much everyone in your building if they knew you. And than a guy sent me to a girl whose cousin was friends with your roommate. I'm telling you, I haven't had this much trouble asking somebody out for coffee since I asked out my ex-girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" her eyes go wide and her voice higher and before she starts apologizing I remember the things she used to say back when we were kids. I always knew it was her parents' thoughts coming from her mouth but it never made it hurt less. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that. I'm totally ok with it. More than ok actually. I get it."

"Good to know you are not that dumb anymore." It's a bit harsh but it's instinct. Except, the last part spikes my attention. What did that mean exactly?

There is no time to expand on that before she is changing the subject to safer topics. School, friends, the last 5 years.

Her face looks the same. The soft lines and smile framed by perfectly falling hair remained the same as I remembered. The same face I kept going back to when I wondered what happened next to her.

My hand falls on top of hers somewhere along the stories exchanged and my heart starts beating faster.

They say you never forget your first love. Except I didn't know it was love and nothing ever happened. So maybe my heart is not beating but breaking, for the girl who stayed up wondering if she would ever have a chance.

I barely notice the quick way she takes her hand from under mine like she is escaping the flames of hell and the pink that rises to her cheeks.

"Are you ok?" I don't know if I ask for what just happened or for the years of worry I've kept until now.

"I'm alive." Iris gives me a sad smile, tears creeping into her eyes like she wasn't expecting me to bring it up. Because it's not something people bring up. And, for now, that answer seems like enough.

When we are done, I walk her back to her dorm. I admire the way she is falling in love with her newfound freedom. She looks at things like it's her first time being in the real world. It probably feels like it is. And I can't be the person tying her down to her past.

Iris stops steps before her door, taking a deep breath and swinging her arms around my shoulders "Thank you for this, Sofia. I missed you."

She doesn't smell like apples anymore and she had to curve her neck a little to place her head on my shoulder. I hug her back until she runs out of my arms and into the building It gets colder as soon as she leaves.

It makes me doubt for a second if I was thinking right, but I know I am. I just need to start breathing and believing in myself.

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And you know that I can't hold back

All of these worries that I have had 'bout you