Cruelty's Endless Termination

Chapter 4: Doable Doesn't Equal Desirable

CW/TW: Slight mention of rape/assault

January 1st, 8:47pm, year 851. Present time, inside wall Sina...

The wheels of the carriage churned along the gravel, two horses pulling it. Their hoofs echoing through the streets.

"Tell me again, what does this place look like?" Hange asked, pushing her glasses up her nose as she peered out the window.

"Like every damn other store. All I remember is that it's on the corner and has a large sign reading 'Dex's Dresses'."

"That's what you told me last time, not helpful my friend." Hange rolled her eyes.

"Tch, the hell do you want me to say? It was over 7 years ago I was here."

"Oh my- 7 years?! Levi! Do we even know if this place is still open?" Her eyes snapped back over to his.

The man paused, thinking for a moment. Then shrugging.

Hange groaned, lolling her head back dramatically.

The driver turned the cart down another street, waiting to be told when to stop.

Levi recognized a small shop, a cafe.

It clicked in his head, it's the cafe him and (Y/n) stopped by before heading to the dress shop. The same cafe that random guy came up and harassed her.

"We went there." He pointed to the cafe, grabbing Hange's attention. "The store should be at the end of this road, it was all within walking distance."

"Oh hey!" Hange recognized the cafe as well, "We went there a while ago too! Remember? When we went on that one mission. Oh my gosh, the food was amazing!" She cheered, remembering fondly.

Levi nodded. He remembered that first visit, but it was the second one he cared most about. He remembered the light in (Y/n)'s eyes when he had her try the baked good, the way her whole face lit up. He missed that.

He missed her.

It has been over a year since she disappeared, Levi's shocked he's still around to count the days. If it wasn't for Isabel, he wasn't sure he could do it.

There were several nights he debated if it was worth staying, several nights where he sat alone. Several nights his chest felt so tight he wasn't sure if he should be concerned for his health or not.

Several nights where he wished he could cry, he wished he could scream; wished he could feel something.

But all he could do was sit silently, while it felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest.

He thought he would've had her back by now, almost two years later. Several thoughts ran through his head daily.

Is it stupid to still hold out hope to find her?

Will I ever see her again?

God, I just want to hold her.

Is she still even alive?

There's no point in fighting, she's gone. Give up.

No... I can't...

Every day is different. He hates how his life is just stuck in the past, so focused on finding her. Guilt often floods his mind, wondering if his search effects Isabel.

He promised (Y/n) he would be Isabel's father figure, and there's no way he will back down from that. To him, Isabel might as well be his child. He doesn't care about the fact they aren't biologically related, he loves her almost as much as he loves her mother.