M O S A I C

For Us, Narcissus

Treacherous creak.
Jagged rocks and swirling tide.
A venomous predator sleeps,
Coiled chameleon in moss on the left-hand side.
Narcissus risks not a peak beyond his mirrored insides.
What would carve a space in one's heart so big that only themselves could quench a thirst that never dies?
What would possess a man to never look beyond his tongue.
To never dream of eternity with someone else by their side?

"If I am as beautiful as they say.
How could anyone be my equal?
To know me as I do myself this day?
How could anyone love me?
Truly call me by their name?

Pray.
Wait.
Share yourself is what they say.

You are a commodity to be owned.
Whether you like it or not
Your beauty
Your body
should not waste away.

And is that all I am?
Is that all I am destined to be?
Is that why I was born beautiful?
To have my purity taken away from me?

Is that why I made myself beautiful?
To have the seduction I've bloomed be yanked out of me?

What about me?
Dare I not have a list?
Dare I not have desires no mortal could live with?

If I am a god.
If my beauty surpasses that of the stars in the sky.
If that is why you cannot help but to have me
Should I not be allowed to require another god at my side?

Should not the desire I feel be equal to that which oozes from between my thighs?

Maybe I want myself.
Maybe I want to keep what is me.
Maybe I welcomed the curse of only being able to love what is reflected of me."

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AUTHORS NOTE:

Soooo clearly I have a little problem with the story of Narcissus in Greek mythology. 😆

I am just bothered okay.
Have you ever had something grab unto your braincells and never let go?

Well that is this story for me.

And personally, mirrors have always been a friend to me (as has my own shadow, but that's a whole other story I may or not be writing a book about. 🤭).

When you're alone for a long time, especially if you've internalized some nasty external beliefs... It's going to suck... Like a lot, but only at first.

Eventually you just get so damn bored hating on yourself you'll force yourself to notice something you like.
Or at least I did...
I REALLY hate being bored okay. 😮‍💨

So the idea of a guy falling in love with his reflection isn't really scary or tragic to me. I think it's a very beautiful, poetic way to go. Especially given how many people hate themselves.
Especially since he was so popular.

They didn't say he died looking in the mirror trying to manage his appearance because everyone was giving him so much attention.
They said he fell in love with himself.

And I'm just like: Good for him. Wouldn't that be good for us? To live a whole life surrounded by the opinions of others but in the end finding a way to love yourself?

Thus:
For Us, Narcissus.