To say that either of you were easy human beings to love 24/7 would be such a hysterical lie you'd probably laugh so long you'd forget why you started laughing at all.
You and Colby were that couple that people thought they wanted to be. From the outside the two of you appeared to be one single entity. Moving in unison like you shared one mind. Your bodies almost always connected, even if by just a millimeter of skin. Toes touching under tables, pinkies hooked while standing around, someone's fingers usually absentmindedly playing with the other's hair...You could be having two completely different conversations with people and yet your bodies were still communicating with each other's...Always. You weren't afraid to let the world around you know who you belonged to. Neither of you were. If your story was told in pictures, it would be beautiful. There would be grand gestures of flowers and sunsets. Adventures under starry nights with initials carved in trees. You were a photographer's dream. Road trips where the windows stayed rolled down, the wind and the music working together to keep your bodies and your hair moving wildly. Lost voices from singing at the top of your lungs as you watched the city lights fade into the background.
The issue with looking at love from the outside is that you can't see the work. You can't see the struggle and the tears. You can't see the long nights and the bad thoughts and the tear-stained stares into the bathroom mirror. You can't see that even though you loved each other more than life itself...you never learned to love yourselves. You broke each other's hearts, in turn. Back and forth. One person falling apart at a time. You both struggled to remember at times how much value and beauty and love the other saw in you, but the good news? The other person was always there to remind you.
Late one night after having tried to get you to talk to him for hours upon hours, an emotionally exhausted Colby grabbed a notebook and started writing to you. He started listing all of the things he wished you'd believe about yourself. The things he fell in love with...the things he falls in love with every day.
Some of them were obvious...
The way you laughed when you were nervous...
The way your eyes closed when you genuinely smiled...
The way you stole one of his rings to wear on your necklace every time he had to leave the city to film...
Some of them weren't so obvious...
The way you'd mute your computer when ads would play because you hated movie trailers...you thought they spoiled the movie for you...
The way you'd sneakily watch him after he got home from filming something even mildly dangerous because you wanted to make sure he wasn't hiding a limp or a cut...you worried when he got hurt and he knew it so he often tried to play it off like it was nothing...
The way you'd hide his favorite snacks around the apartment because even though he said he was on a diet you knew he'd try to postmates something at 3am...you didn't think he needed to be on a diet anyways...
Some of them were ugly things that he secretly loved simply because he was the only person on the planet that knew them...
The way you'd quietly swear at people in traffic with a smile on your face so they didn't know you were angry at them...
The way you'd break down every few months and buy a pack of cigarettes just to smoke a handful of them and throw the rest of the pack away because sometimes you just needed to feel in control of something in your life...
The way you'd rant about your friends to yourself in the shower so that you wouldn't snap at them about the things that were bothering you...
After he had written a few pages worth of his thoughts, he slid the notebook under the closet door, where you were hiding, so you'd read it. When you emerged from the closet, you'd found Colby half asleep on the couch. He was sat up watching a movie, trying to stay awake long enough to see you be okay. You'd crawled in his lap, gently connecting your lips. The kiss growing more passionate as his arms tightened around you.
